Man you guys are the type of people that mechanics have nightmares about. Talk about butchering the bolt.
These bolts use a copper washer. It is there to seal it. When the diff gets hot, the copper expands and thats why they are so hard to undo.
What you need to do is get a fairly heavy steel hammer and give it a few solid whacks on the head. This will crush the copper washer enough to unbind the threads and if there is any head left on the bolt, you should be able to get it off with the right size socket or ring spanner. It will still be tight but manageable.
If you have damaged the head, I advise going to Toyota to get another bolt. That way you shouldn't have any problems next time.