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St3ve_AE92
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May 2002

Car and computers joke...	Mon, 16 September 2002 05:40

Today at tafe, the teacher gave us a handout about project quality management, and i thought i would share the first page with you all....i along with the rest of the class found it funny... Most people have heard jokes about what cars would be like if they followed a development history similar to that of computers. A joke that has been traveling around the Internet goes as follows: At a recent computer exposition (COMDEX), Bill Gates, the founder and CEO of Microsoft Corporation, stated: "If General Motors had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response to Gates' comments, General Motors issued a press release from CEO Jack Welch stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95" or 'Car NT.' But then you would have to buy more seats. 6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun. reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads. 7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car default' warning light. 8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size hips. 9. The airbag system would say 'Are you sure?' before going off. 10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department. 12. Every time GM introduced a new model car, buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 13. You would press the Start button to shut off the engine. [Report message to a moderator]

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