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Club Member
Location:
Sydney, NSW
Registered:
May 2002
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Problems Recorded By Qantas Pilots
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Mon, 07 July 2003 08:50
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Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
June 2002
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Re: Problems Recorded By Qantas Pilots
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Mon, 07 July 2003 14:03
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hahahaha
my mate works as an aircraft mechanic at quantas. sounds like his sort of smart ass solutions too! hahahaha
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Toymods Board Member
I supported Toymods
Location:
Turramurra, Sydney.
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Problems Recorded By Qantas Pilots
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Tue, 08 July 2003 13:01
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You'd better believe it! 
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Location:
Wahroonga
Registered:
June 2003
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Re: Problems Recorded By Qantas Pilots
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Wed, 09 July 2003 09:01
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i am kacking myself here, those are classy. keep em coming
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
July 2002
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Re: Problems Recorded By Qantas Pilots
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Thu, 10 July 2003 03:15
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They took the hammer off that poor little midget!  Must be lonely in there with nothing to bang with. 
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Location:
Perth
Registered:
November 2002
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Re: Problems Recorded By Qantas Pilots
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Thu, 10 July 2003 06:33
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I only just succeeded in not bursting out laughing here (as I'm at work in an office  )
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Club Member
Location:
Sydney, NSW
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Problems Recorded By Qantas Pilots
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Thu, 10 July 2003 10:54
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Hey Joel, would there be anything like these lying around at your work???
Cause this is all I got...
U reckon you could get any more of these???
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