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Location:
Brisbane
Registered:
October 2002
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how to drive like a wog
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Wed, 03 March 2004 08:55
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The Art of wog driving
Chris Zissiadis
30/11/2000
WogLife are proud to be able to offer driving and road behaviour tips for all those wanting to ensure that they maximise their streetwise woggy potential
Prepare your vehicle
Colour coordinate
If your car is green, don't wear a yellow shirt,.. you get me? Your car is an extension of your body, give it the respect it deserves make sure you complement each other. Clash .. and you wont impress anyone.
Antique air freshener
Make sure you have an ample supply of air freshener items to hang from parts of your dashboard. These should be pre-aged so the chance of them actually giving off any fragrance is zero. If you are Italian, or want others to believe you are, religious artifacts should also be placed at random throughout the car.
Lebanese cab driver beaded seat covers
These have nothing to do with massage, the sole purpose of these items is to maximise the circulation of air around your ass allowing you to fart more freely and to share your experience with friends traveling with you.
Open the windows
Depending on the number of wogs your vehicle will contain you should open the appropriate number of windows allowing marios and ginos to hang out of the car and carry on deep and meaningful conversations with people outside the vehicle. Over the centuries young marios have developed special muscles that enable them to hang safely from car windows even at high speeds.
Prepare your surfaces
Remove all sharp objects from the back seat area
The rear passengers play a vital role in wog driving. They carry a heavy responsibility to be able to quickly respond to any situation. A fine wog babe walking past the car must be greeted with whistles and howyagoinbaby's within 5 seconds, even faster if the vehicle is in motion. Therefore all sharp objects should be removed from the backseat to allow for your accompanying Marios to slide around freely. Use of Armour-All or Mr Sheen on all surfaces is encouraged.
Ensure Fenders at comfortable leaning temperature
As you get more experience with wog driving, you will be able to judge how many blockies and at what speed they should be performed in order for your fenders to reach a comfortable temperature on which you can lean against. This is particularly useful in winter and can add an additional 30 minutes to your time on the street.
Paint condition
The standard of your car's paintjob is obviously important. Wog chicks like to compliment paint condition by checking their reflection on the bonnet of your car. If a girl does her hair or makeup whilst leaving over your hood she is paying you the highest possible compliment. Consult your wog mother and secure a continuous supply of cotton garments which can be used to prepare polishing rags. Watch the "Karate Kid" movie to get some ideas on how to fool your little brother into polishing your car on a regular basis, add comments like "Bruce Lee used to polish his brother's car every day" or if you are trying to convince your dad or grandfather to help say "Dino Zoff would spend 2 hours before each game applying wax to metal surfaces in the change room"
On the way there
Stay in right lane at all times
It is a common error to think that the right lane is only for overtaking, this is not the case. The right lane is for the exclusive use of you and you only as it allows everyone to view your machine from all angles. This is a service to society and if people had their head screwed on right you would be paid for it.
Flash headlights randomly at any oncoming vehicles
This give people the chance to slow down to hear how beautifully your cousin Alberto has tuned your engine..
Use of SMS Messages
Yes it is illegal to speak on the phone while driving but with dedication and practice you should be able to SMS your friends without actually looking at your phone. Learn the basic SMS cruising comments such as "WHERE R U MARIO?", "and "IS ANNA WITH U?" They are easy to memorise - communication is the key to good cruising.
Slipstream whenever possible
Fuel should be conserved whenever possible so it can be used for critical activities such as burnouts and blockies. Find a bus that travels in the direction you want to go, tailgate it and if possible attach yourself to the back of it at an appropriate bus stop.
Don't use your indicators
It's your business where you are going, indicators only give away what particular path you will be taking to others and warn them of potential hazards ahead of them, let them find out the way you did... the hard way
Remember that it is the Digital age
It's the year 2000 and everything is going digital, so use your digits as much as you can. A picture paints a thousand words but a single finger directed at a fellow motorist can be much more specific.
Supplies
Make sure your glove compartment contains enough of your critical supplies, several brands of aftershave are required, also CD's to cater for any mood should also be on board. Be a good boy and replace that condom that has been in your wallet for the past 12 months with a fresh one,.. and no chicks don't like the ribbed ones as a rule.
Upon arrival
Traffic lights
It is critical to reach each traffic light as they go to red, this maximises the time you have available to; allow others to look at your machine, allow you to carry on conversations with people on the street, allow others to hear the magnificence of your stereo and your fine choice in music.
Accessorise for success
Get yourself some accessories that help make you stand out from the crowd. Some fancy headwear, a scarf, racing or safety goggles,.. all add to the effect that you and your machine have on the rest of humanity.
Parking
Location Location Location: Everything you have done, all the time and effort taken by you and your posse counts for nothing if the only parking space you can find is in an alley behind the 7-11. Watch other drivers and pedestrians, time your run beautifully and prime land can be yours.
We hope these tips have helped you out. Wog cruising is an art form, which requires years to master, but it is constantly evolving, let us know some of your personal trade secrets.
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Location:
Brisbane
Registered:
July 2002
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Wed, 03 March 2004 09:41
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man.. im already way to skilled at this.. i could have written that myself.
classic... the original post... not my lame joke... 
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
April 2003
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Wed, 03 March 2004 10:57
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don't forget to mention you have to have your seat back far enough so that it looks like you are lying down
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
November 2003
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Wed, 03 March 2004 11:04
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on the way back from pick and pay on really hot days we used to wind the seat all the way back so it wouldnt make your back sweaty...
my mates almost 7ft... he could slide back,open his back window and rest his arm out of it... lol
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
April 2003
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Location:
NSW
Registered:
August 2003
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Thu, 04 March 2004 05:29
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If you dont have power windows, master the technique of winding the window up and down so it looks like you have PW.
Keep the shoulder firm in place and let the elbow do all the work.
For the rear windows get your fully sick mates to lay down where no one can see them and get them to wind the windows up and down for you, while your pretending to press the button.
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I supported Toymods
Location:
Epping, Sydney
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Thu, 04 March 2004 06:15
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or you could just get a car with power windows (and no inconvenience of rear windows or passengers) 
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Location:
Compton.Sydney
Registered:
January 2004
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Thu, 04 March 2004 11:35
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sad post
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
April 2003
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Thu, 04 March 2004 15:08
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oh and you must drive with a baseball cap on, whether its day or night 
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Location:
Compton.Sydney
Registered:
January 2004
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Fri, 05 March 2004 04:22
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Nope i dont like hats
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
November 2003
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 02:23
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| Eddo wrote on Wed, 03 March 2004 22:07 |
7ft!!!!!
shiiiitt 
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ahuh in think hes about 6 and a half to be precise 
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Location:
Compton.Sydney
Registered:
January 2004
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 02:47
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i am like 190 something cms
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Location:
Melbourne
Registered:
November 2003
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 03:48
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| Eddo wrote on Fri, 05 March 2004 02:08 |
oh and you must drive with a baseball cap on, whether its day or night
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And it can't be pulled down like a normal cap, it has to just sit gently on th grown of your head pointing right up as not to mess up your hair.
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Location:
Bayside Melbourne.
Registered:
May 2003
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 03:54
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Too true Shraka... The angle to horizontal of the cap must not be less than 45degrees.
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Location:
Melbourne
Registered:
November 2003
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 03:59
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| SIMDOG wrote on Sat, 06 March 2004 14:54 |
Too true Shraka... The angle to horizontal of the cap must not be less than 45degrees.
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Unless your looking down.
There should be something in there about wearing pants that are far too tight. But I guess that's just being a wog in general.
Oh and you have to yell out to anyone who owns a performance/wannaby performance car that isn't the same as your own (ie, if you own a Commodore, everything but Commodores) that their cars suck.
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Location:
Compton.Sydney
Registered:
January 2004
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 04:12
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why are yous so jealous of wogs?
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Location:
Posts: 992738234
Registered:
February 2004
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 04:23
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Location:
Melbourne
Registered:
November 2003
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 04:40
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| -=NiGz=- wrote on Sat, 06 March 2004 15:12 |
why are yous so jealous of wogs?
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Me? Why would I be jealous?
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Location:
Compton.Sydney
Registered:
January 2004
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 04:42
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Then why do yous bag the cunts out for? they arent doing shit to yous.. if you want to bag em out put shit on them go up to them and say it. DONT BE A CAT AND SAY IT ON A FORUM
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Location:
The Eastwood MASSIVE !
Registered:
May 2003
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 04:52
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Maybe you should 187 him
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Location:
Compton.Sydney
Registered:
January 2004
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 04:56
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Was that ment to be a joke? cos it wasnt funny
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Location:
Lost in the K hole
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 06:23
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common guys...
there are folks on this forum who might take offence to crap like this... and i gotta say, in the scheme of habbib VL turbo jokes, this one aint that funny
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Location:
Melbourne
Registered:
November 2003
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 06:43
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| -=NiGz=- wrote on Sat, 06 March 2004 15:42 |
Then why do yous bag the cunts out for? they arent doing shit to yous.. if you want to bag em out put shit on them go up to them and say it. DONT BE A CAT AND SAY IT ON A FORUM
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They do do stuff to me actualy. And how is yelling at them gonna change anything?
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Location:
Brisbane
Registered:
October 2002
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 06:54
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hmmmmm, how the hell would u take offense to this, i actaully got it off a wog site, i.e. A WOG WROTE IT
www.wog.com.au
so open up your email program and write a email to the postmaster of wog.com and get over it
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Location:
Brisbane
Registered:
October 2002
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 06:56
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oh btw i have NOTHING against wogs, i have plenty of wog mates
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Location:
Lost in the K hole
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 07:23
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| Mr DOHC wrote on Sat, 06 March 2004 17:54 |
hmmmmm, how the hell would u take offense to this, i actaully got it off a wog site...
so open up your email program and write a email to the postmaster of wog.com and get over it
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so that invalidates anyones right to take offence to it?
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Location:
Melbourne
Registered:
November 2003
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Location:
The Eastwood MASSIVE !
Registered:
May 2003
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 07:44
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I have taken offence to the fact that you are offended.
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Location:
Brisbane
Registered:
October 2002
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 07:53
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no not at all ed, i'm just saying that this is not my personal view, i'm just saying that this is how even a wog thinks, so its not a racist/derogatory remark.
i just thought it to be funny cause its the stereo type
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Location:
Lost in the K hole
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 08:10
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| Shraka wrote on Sat, 06 March 2004 18:36 |
How about this, I take offence at you trying to ruin our fun. 
I'm just kidding, but you get the idea right?
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sure, i get the idea, and id expect that if someone voiced a real concern with being offended at ANY comment or thread, that those involved with the thread would respect such a concern
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Location:
Brisbane
Registered:
October 2002
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 09:34
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| ed_ma61 wrote on Sat, 06 March 2004 18:10 |
sure, i get the idea, and id expect that if someone voiced a real concern with being offended at ANY comment or thread, that those involved with the thread would respect such a concern
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this thread was posted as a light jab at the stereotypical "wog driving style", it was not a cold-hearted ruthless attack at anyone of that descent,
i was actually surprised anyone took actual offense to it, if u beleive this to be offensive, then report it to a mod
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Location:
Colac, Victoria
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 11:59
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billy connnely ( you know the scottish FARKOORRF comedian ) made a good comment in one of his shows recently ..
The white hetrosexual male is the only person you can make jokes about these days withiut having someone whinge or complain ! ( or somethign to that effect )
Its really sad that even a light hearted play on stereotypes cant be taken as a joke these days - its no wonder we have wars all over the place and racial riots
no one can take a joke !
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Location:
Lost in the K hole
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Sat, 06 March 2004 12:15
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| Mr DOHC wrote on Sat, 06 March 2004 20:34 |
i was actually surprised anyone took actual offense to it, if u beleive this to be offensive, then report it to a mod
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i am a mod
and i have made note of it to the rest of the moderation board
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Location:
Balranald
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Mon, 08 March 2004 07:50
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Well if you get offended by that you must be horrified by the new show that's playing in Mildura soon i saw advertised on TV... "Who let the Wogs out"
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Location:
Lost in the K hole
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Mon, 08 March 2004 09:13
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im not offended, im just representing those who are, and have contacted me regarding it
cheers guys!
ed
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
April 2003
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Mon, 08 March 2004 11:53
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Im a wog and this thread doesn't offend me at all and i think everyone should just get over it because i think it was just a joke.
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Location:
Canberra
Registered:
April 2003
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Re: how to drive like a wog
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Mon, 08 March 2004 11:55
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| Classique71 wrote on Sat, 06 March 2004 22:59 |
billy connnely ( you know the scottish FARKOORRF comedian ) made a good comment in one of his shows recently ..
The white hetrosexual male is the only person you can make jokes about these days withiut having someone whinge or complain ! ( or somethign to that effect )
Its really sad that even a light hearted play on stereotypes cant be taken as a joke these days - its no wonder we have wars all over the place and racial riots
no one can take a joke !
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Too damn true Stuart, thats the Problem with the world these days, it's all too serious and too #@%$ed up.
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Forum Moderator
Location:
Toymods
Registered:
February 2004
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thread locked
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Wed, 10 March 2004 02:50
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censorship is always controversial.
just because the intention of something is to amuse does not mean that it cannot be offensive to someone.
having said that, these days almost anything said is bound to offend some member of the community and censoring all and sundry would become ludicrous.
i can see though that more than a minority may be offened by this thread.
this thread will not be deleted, however it will be locked.
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