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Location:
Perth
Registered:
June 2003
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 Bouncer stories part 3
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Sun, 05 December 2004 08:48
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One of my all time favourite bouncer moments came on one of the American sailor visits. The globe used to do hip-hop nights for the sailors with skimpy dancers e.t.c.
Now the general caucasian Perth hip-hop crew consists of upper middle class kids wearing F.U.B.U jackets, speaking in African American slang, wearing pants 10 sizes to big e.t.c.
Now the sailors that come to hip-hop nights are the real deal, these guys generally really do come from the ghetto, belong in gangs e.t.c and are in the navy to make some money for themselves and their wife/girl/family. They are walking stereo-types, diamonds/gold/afros e.t.c. But they can get away with it because it really is their culture and they kill people for a living.
Anyhow the night was pretty boring, me and three other bouncers, occasionally breaking the monotony by doing stupid hand gestures to the staff, and saying things like "word" whenever someone left.
This "wigger" comes in, stoned off his nut, typical rich white kid trying to be a poor black gangster. And he sits at a table full of these real black rappers and the seat he happens to take is actually taken by the officer at the bar buying the rounds.
Me and the other bouncers are watching the scene play out with amusement and sure enough when the officer returns with everyones drinks he politely asks the kid to get out of his seat.
And I swear this kid had been watching 8 mile all day getting stoned, because he jumps out of the chair and starts rap insulting this guy. Like full on Eminem rap battle stuff
"You may be black but I think yo is wack" e.t.c
All the bouncers are in histerics and all the black guys at the table just stand up staring at this little idiot.
None of the other bouncers are together enough from laughing to do anything so I jump on the kid and drag him outside. I was trying not to laugh but at the same time needed to give him a wake up call.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing? this isn't a fucking rap music video, these guys are real, they kill people, you're just a retard with a backwards cap" e.t.c
Anyway half way through my speal the kid starts crying, I let him go, embaressed for both of us and let him run off.
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I supported Toymods
On probation
Location:
Brisbane, Queensland
Registered:
January 2003
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Sun, 05 December 2004 08:52
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dude put these all in the one thread.....
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Location:
Coffs Harbour, NSW
Registered:
November 2004
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Sun, 05 December 2004 08:57
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| boris wrote on Sun, 05 December 2004 19:52 |
dude put these all in the one thread.....
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yeh, prbly a good idea 
bloody funny but! 
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
April 2004
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Sun, 05 December 2004 09:00
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Gold
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Location:
sydney
Registered:
August 2004
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Sun, 05 December 2004 09:01
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yeah i like the chick stories ! They are funny ass 
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Location:
Land of Oz
Registered:
June 2004
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Sun, 05 December 2004 09:02
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Hi,
| cytribe wrote on Sun, 05 December 2004 19:48 |
Now the general caucasian Perth hip-hop crew consists of upper middle class kids wearing F.U.B.U jackets, speaking in African American slang, wearing pants 10 sizes to big e.t.c.
..... But they can get away with it because it really is their culture and they kill people for a living.
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There's a vast bulk of Aussie wannabes who are into this stuff and then wonder why Australia is mini-America. It's 'cos they have no sense of self and can only suck-off other cultures - particularly the poor-America ghetto culture. Baseball caps on backwards, large baggy pants that hang down to their knees and talking in rap - it makes me laff. Johnny can take some blame, but the rest of our Americanisation comes from our unoriginal wannabes.
In any event, I bet you're lucky these black dudes didn't start a ruccus 'cos you may of been outgunned and outnumbered.
seeyuzz
river
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Location:
Perth
Registered:
June 2003
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Sun, 05 December 2004 09:06
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Yea I probably should put em all in the same thread, but I don't have the time to write up all of em at the same time, and I only type the ones that come into my head.
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Location:
Perth
Registered:
June 2003
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Sun, 05 December 2004 09:11
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"In any event, I bet you're lucky these black dudes didn't start a ruccus 'cos you may of been outgunned and outnumbered."
Actually the sailors are generally the last people to start crap because they have to deal with the military police, with their own seperate justice system and get totally fucked on if they mess up on shore leave.
But hypothetically yea, there is no doubt we would have got our asses kicked.
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Location:
Baulko Hillo
Registered:
April 2004
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Sun, 05 December 2004 11:16
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| cytribe wrote on Sun, 05 December 2004 20:06 |
Yea I probably should put em all in the same thread, but I don't have the time to write up all of em at the same time, and I only type the ones that come into my head.
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Just create a new post in the 1st thread when you think of a new story.
And keep dis shit comin' yo - Dat shit is tight mah niggah. Word. 
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Location:
Brisbane
Registered:
July 2002
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Mon, 06 December 2004 04:20
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hahaha... chick ones are better though
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Location:
Perth
Registered:
April 2003
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Mon, 06 December 2004 05:09
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Can i get a job as a bouncer ? 
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Location:
Perth
Registered:
June 2003
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Bouncer stories part 4
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Wed, 08 December 2004 05:46
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Okay, biggest slut ever witnessed at the door award.
Because the Globe and Amplifier are in the same complex, but seperated by doors, you often have different events going on in each one at the same time.
This particular night the Amplifier had bands on, typical Indie/Metal stuff, and the typical crowd to match. The Globe however was having a drum and bass rave, walking between the two venues was like travelling into alternate dimensions, the difference in vibes was unreal.
Large amounts of Extacy and Amphetamines can do wonders for girls moods and generosity.
One particular rave bunny chick, short skirt, blonde, white fluffy tail, bra top, nice body, chewing her invisible cud and looking like her eyes were propped open by pins and couldn't blink started rambling to us at the Amplifier door.
She was talking about E's and we were having a laugh with each other at her expence and told her the best way to take em was to stick em up your ass (which on a side note is technically true...but come on!). So she's like "Oh I know that but I don't have anyone to do it for me properly"
One of our doorman, a big sleazy Croation jumps on the oppertunity and says he'll do it for her. So off they go into the bandroom for 15minutes. He comes back with a big cheesy grin on his face saying that she hiked up her skirt and asked her to fuck him while he did it, so he did.
We all have a laugh and continue on our night, when we see the same girl dragging a guy down the alleyway to where our cars are parked. Now no-one is allowed to go there as we use it as a staff car park but we had a good idea what was going on so we waited a while before we busted them.
And sure enough there she is, pants round her ankles about to get fucked by this guy. So we yell "OIIIII get the fuck out of the carpark" The guy is so suprised he catches himself in his zip and falls down screaming and the girl just laughs and pulls up her panties and runs back into the rave.
Thinking that was the last of it we continued the night giving the bouncer that had slept with her heaps of crap about disease and illegitamate kids etc. At the end of the night we kick everyone out and check the toilets. And there is one of the girls toilet doors locked and feet under it and a horrible smell.
We knock and call but no-one answers, so I get into the adjacent stall and peak over. There she is, slut of the night, sitting on a toilet seat that is down, covered in her own shit and piss and vomit, groaning incoherently.
So we get a fire hose from the amplifier, kick the door open and hose her down enough so we can touch her with rubber gloves. As two of us are leading her out the door, on on each arm she looks at us with vomit dribbling out of her mouth and goes
"You guys are so cute, do you want to come with me to my room"
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Location:
Land of Oz
Registered:
June 2004
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Wed, 08 December 2004 09:20
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Hi,
LOL! What a moll! Hehehehe... I bet she'd need a re-bore with a leg of ham by now.
I haven't made up my mind regarding chicks who like it up the clay pipe.
seeyuzz
river
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Location:
Somewhere on a dirt bowl ...
Registered:
August 2004
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Wed, 08 December 2004 14:41
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Its a different experience.
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
September 2003
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Thu, 09 December 2004 01:36
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drugs are bad mmmkay
bahahaha those two are gold, keep em coming 
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Location:
Potts Point, Sydney
Registered:
October 2003
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Thu, 09 December 2004 02:17
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what a moll 
i love your job, so much funny shit
Keep them coming, for sure
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I supported Toymods
On probation
Location:
Brisbane, Queensland
Registered:
January 2003
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Thu, 09 December 2004 02:36
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Just slightly off topic....
For the less knowledgeable people when it comes to drugs.
Plugging is rectal administration, or putting it up your bum.
Plugging is more effective than swallowing or snorting, because the inside of the anus is lined with a thin membrane. The drug is quickly absorbed through the membrane directly into the bloodstream.
There are two ways to plug: a pill can be crushed and placed in a capsule or plugged as it is. Powder in a capsule usually absorbs more quickly as pills can be hard pressed and not break down as easily.
Most users only find plugging slightly uncomfortable. Once inside the anus, the pill should slide up easily. It will be less effective if it doesn't go as far as the second knuckle on the index finger. Users should go to the toilet before hand. Plugging may cause an urge to use the bathroom. It needs to be held until the pill has taken effect. Placing a condom over the finger is a very effective way of plugging as the lube from the condom helps and it's also more hygienic.
Interesting..... 
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Location:
Potts Point, Sydney
Registered:
October 2003
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Thu, 09 December 2004 02:39
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gee, someone know their stuff
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I supported Toymods
On probation
Location:
Brisbane, Queensland
Registered:
January 2003
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Thu, 09 December 2004 02:41
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Its all hearsay and conjecture....
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Location:
Land of Oz
Registered:
June 2004
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Thu, 09 December 2004 04:42
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Hi,
Call me old fashioned. Hell, just call me old, but my body, like my house, prefers to accept packages at the front door. The back door is for exiting only.
seeyuzz
river
PS: If we ever meet, remind me not to shake your hand
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I supported Toymods
On probation
Location:
Brisbane, Queensland
Registered:
January 2003
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Thu, 09 December 2004 04:58
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Haha, nah i've never done it... but it is the preferred method for some of my homosexually oriented work collegues.
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
September 2004
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Thu, 09 December 2004 08:28
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info overload!!!  what is it with people today!!
lets all just get pissed! the method of ingestion alone should make the prospect infinitely more appealing, especially in lightof this conversation....
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
September 2004
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Thu, 09 December 2004 08:29
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ohhh BTW, i aint shakin noones hand no more....too many dirty bloody things can and probably have been done with them!!!
from now on its all hugs for me
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Location:
Potts Point, Sydney
Registered:
October 2003
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Re: Bouncer stories part 3
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Thu, 09 December 2004 10:52
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| SilverGhost wrote on Thu, 09 December 2004 19:29 |
ohhh BTW, i aint shakin noones hand no more...
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dirty little mofo's
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