Author | Topic |
Location: South Australia
Registered: April 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 15 October 2004 12:44
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" if i could say a few words..., i would be a better public speaker"
homer simpson
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Location: Melbourne
Registered: October 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sat, 16 October 2004 01:38
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Anything out of ace vantura
Anything out of family guy
i could go on forever with either of them
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Location: Kellyville, Sydney
Registered: June 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sat, 16 October 2004 03:02
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Boondock Saints
at a gay bar
"gimme another one"
"i think youve had enough"
"just pour the drink you fairy fuck"
oh and the guy who says it is gay aswell
chris
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Location: Perth
Registered: September 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sat, 16 October 2004 20:18
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Turner: "But you cheated!"
Cap'n Jack Sparrow: *points at self* "Pirate!"
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Location: Brisbane
Registered: March 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sat, 16 October 2004 22:34
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Family guy,
Peter embarrasing Chris
"Hey everyone look what Chris Griffin's dad, Peter Griffin is doing *licks nipple*"
Classic, i love Family Guy, especially when they show you how that evil monkey in Chris's closet turned evil, "Hey honey, i made partner..."
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Registered: August 2002
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sun, 17 October 2004 00:05
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mynameisrodney wrote on Sat, 16 October 2004 13:02 | Boondock Saints
at a gay bar
"gimme another one"
"i think youve had enough"
"just pour the drink you fairy fuck"
oh and the guy who says it is gay aswell
chris
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haha boondock saints is one of my favourtie movies!
"fuck.....what the...what the fuck...fucking what the fuck"
"it certainly illustrates the perversity of our work"
"shutuuuuuuup bitch, i can't go to buy a pack of cigarettes without bumping into someone you fucked"
gay guy to another guy in bed when on the phone "your such a fag"
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Location: Sydney
Registered: September 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sun, 17 October 2004 14:31
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BlackSupra wrote on Sun, 17 October 2004 10:05 |
mynameisrodney wrote on Sat, 16 October 2004 13:02 | Boondock Saints
at a gay bar
"gimme another one"
"i think youve had enough"
"just pour the drink you fairy fuck"
oh and the guy who says it is gay aswell
chris
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haha boondock saints is one of my favourtie movies!
"fuck.....what the...what the fuck...fucking what the fuck"
"it certainly illustrates the perversity of our work"
"shutuuuuuuup bitch, i can't go to buy a pack of cigarettes without bumping into someone you fucked"
gay guy to another guy in bed when on the phone "your such a fag"
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ahahahahaha
"shutuuuuuup bitch! I can't go down the street to buy a pack of cigarettes without running into 10 guy's you've fucked!"
The Thompsons episode of the Simpsons when they have to change their identity because Sideshow Bob wants to kill Bart.
"Mr. Simpson, you will now be known as Mr. Thompson"
**2 HOURS LATER**
"Ok let's try this again. When I say Hello Mr. Thompson, you answer with Hello. Hello Mr. Thompson"
(Homer looking at the other cop) "Psst. I think he's talking to you".
When Homer has to steal back a letter he sent to Mr. Burns.
Home at the Post Office:
"Helloooo. My name is Mr Burns. I believe you have a letter for me"
"Ok Mr Burns, what's your first name?"
"I dooooon't knooow."
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Location: Sydney, Shire
Registered: April 2004
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Location: Somewhere on a dirt bowl ...
Registered: August 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 18 October 2004 08:42
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From a book i read a while back
"I'll spoil the shit out of this little bastard, and then just hand him back when he cries."
I tend to use this quote on my nephews. But their not little bastards either just damn good toodlers.
On back of a shirt
"I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to catch up."
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Location: Somewhere on a dirt bowl ...
Registered: August 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 18 October 2004 09:01
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From a movie that i've forgotten the name of
"Volomin" from Starke Pharmaceutical. Making you better than you really are.
Possible side effects include depression, headaches, blurred or distorted vision, loss of balance, dry mouth, numbness, lockjaw, tremors, heart palpitations, varicose veins, liver damage, kidney failure, loss of taste, loss of smell, loss of sight, early Alzheimer's, cardiac arrest, and, in extremely rare cases, death.
Volomin: Making you better than you really are.
Another one From the same movie, i think!
As the father picks his daughter up from her mums place.
"Why do I have to spend the weekend with them? Can't we just drive by every Saturday and wave?"
"Your mom's a little eccentric. Think of her as an exotic flower."
"And that made you what? Dirt?"
"Nat, she's your mom."
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Location: central coast, NSW
Registered: April 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 24 March 2005 07:43
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Dad do a burnsout
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Location: Coffs Harbour, NSW
Registered: November 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 24 March 2005 09:48
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ok, its old, but ive got a few:
comedy festivals:
hullooo! do you like pillows? i do, cos im not allowed to have anything hard!
<insert the whole monkey boy/wine tour act here>
ive always wanted to be big Down Under!
simpsons:
look! its drinking the water...look, he's going back for more!
they have the internet on computers now?
when i grow up, i wanna be a firetruck!
south park:
cha-cha-mona!
that's ignorant! you're being ignorant!
oh my god! you killed kenny!
be cool:
how many miles do you get to the gallon with those things? twelve?
reply: nine!
scorchin!
yeah, there's so many others, but that's all i can think of atm
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Location: Sydney
Registered: September 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 24 March 2005 10:13
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Shopkeeper: Take this object, but beware: it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: Oooh, that's bad.
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.
[Homer looks puzzled.]
Shopkeeper: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?
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Location: sydney
Registered: July 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 24 March 2005 13:29
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dont worry honey its just like having a baby only backwards
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Location: Coffs Harbour, NSW
Registered: November 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 24 March 2005 23:34
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comedy festivals:
i bought a packet of snakes alive yesterday. opened them up and they're all dead!
team america:
a flying limosine? now ive seen everything!
have you ever seen a man eat his own head?
uh, no
well then you havent seen everything
america, fuck yeah!
eveyone back to base for breifing and cocktails!
There are three types of people in the world. There's dicks, pussies and assholes. We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes. Assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate. And it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves. Because pussies are an inch and half away from assholes. I don't know much about this crazy crazy world, but I do know this. If you don't let us fuck this asshole we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!
(^^ ok, its not a one liner ^^)
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Location: Adelaide
Registered: May 2003
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Location: Rockhampton QLD
Registered: July 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 25 March 2005 02:58
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Homer and Barney train to be astronaughts(speeling?)
"in a way, your both winners. But in a more accurate way, Barney's the winner"
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Location: Blue Mountains
Registered: December 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 25 March 2005 03:16
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In real life my favourite one liner was at a restaurant in the city with my friends. My friend Carl was bragging about how he can bench 120kgs when my friend Jason said to him "Yeah I lift that much every morning when I lift your Mum off me" we were all rolling on the floor laughing and everyone else in the restaurant was looking at us like WTF?
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Location: Coffs Harbour, NSW
Registered: November 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 25 March 2005 03:23
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Indi wrote on Fri, 25 March 2005 14:16 | In real life my favourite one liner was at a restaurant in the city with my friends. My friend Carl was bragging about how he can bench 120kgs when my friend Jason said to him "Yeah I lift that much every morning when I lift your Mum off me" we were all rolling on the floor laughing and everyone else in the restaurant was looking at us like WTF?
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bahahahahaha!!!1one1!! damn that's good!
i propose that be dubbed:
best
call
ever
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Location: VIC, Sth Frankston.
Registered: July 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 25 March 2005 04:20
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"How can I miss you if you wont go away" - Drew Carey's Green Screen
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I Supported Toymods
Location: Wollongong
Registered: June 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sun, 27 March 2005 10:50
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in the movie FRIDAY and NEXT FRIDAY
Craigs dad: Everytime im in the kitchen your in the kitchen.... eatin all the food
Craigs dad: I LIKE PIGFEET
PASTOR, SMOKEY AND CRAIG: ON 24th BAPTIST STREET CHURCH WE CALL THIS HERE A LITLLE SINNY SIN SIN!!!! WELL AROUND HERE, IN HARMONY AND WESTERN WE CALL THIS HERE A LITTLE TWENNY TWENNY TWEN..WOW!!! NIGGER!!
You aint gotta lie craig
LOOK AT EZAL!!
FAT BITCHES NEED LOVE TOO CRAIG
YOU GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT
i could go on forever!! best one liners ever in that movie!!
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I supported Toymods
Location: Sydney
Registered: April 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sun, 27 March 2005 12:13
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Some recent ones i've got.
Can i walk in front of the truck ( switched of ).
Reply: You can but be carefull it does bite.
Middle aged couple in Woy woy. mid 30's.
In Erindale ( ACT ).
Jack knifing a trailer and this in the 4WD just sits there. Got about 5ml on his brand new 4WD.
Looked at him for a sec, he said.
What the f*Ck are you looking at?
I was here first !!!
I felt like saying , which do you thinks strongest.
( he was trying to squaze through.
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Location: Somewhere on a dirt bowl ...
Registered: August 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Tue, 29 March 2005 11:43
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Scary Movie 3
"You're getting lucky tonight.","He doesn't know you're a guy."
"Please, sit."
Fffffftt
"It was the chair."
"Hum."
BBrraaaaappptt
"Yes, the chair."
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Location: Brisbane
Registered: February 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Tue, 29 March 2005 11:56
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towe_001 wrote on Mon, 18 October 2004 18:42 | On back of a shirt
"I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to catch up."
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the line also features in 'the sum of all fears' ... a young Jack Ryan asks what a russian technician's t-shirt says, the KGB officer says:
"i am a nuclear bomb techician. If you see me running, try to catch up"
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Location: Canberra
Registered: August 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Tue, 29 March 2005 12:27
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ill buy a suit alright, a suit of drugs!! hahaha
The simposns where marge gives hobo $5 to buy a suit and get to work.
Now don't waste that money boys, but more importantly dont waste your time. its precious. now give me some change so i can go get loaded!
simpsons again after bart&milhouse find 20 bucks
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Location: Melbourne
Registered: January 2005
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Tue, 29 March 2005 12:30
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"I didn't do it" - Bart Simpson
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Location: Launceston
Registered: March 2005
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Tue, 29 March 2005 13:05
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In team america when the "intelligence" is destroyed the shout "we have no intelligence, repeat we have lost our intelligence" hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ha hmmm, americans
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Location: Perth
Registered: August 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Tue, 29 March 2005 15:05
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ooo and them crumbled up cookie things....mmm crumbled up cookie things.
Homer: ok brain, i don't like you and you don't like me but if we don't work together we'll loose marge forever. Do we have a deal?
Homers Brain: Eat the pudding, Eat the pudding, Eat the pudding.
Invader Zim. gir: "I love this show"
this thread is so old
i wish i had foxtel to watch the family guy.
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Location: Perth, WA
Registered: December 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Tue, 29 March 2005 16:28
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"its about time you left the house son, me and your mumma should be able to walk around the house butt nekked if we want to"
"ya'll trying to walk around the house butt nekked"?
"YES WE ARE, im gonna do it tonight when i get off of work, i cant wait till your mumma, high heels is on, walking on that shag rug, booty bouncing boing boing. my johnson doing the balls and johnson dance, balls going one way johnson the other"
"DAD, i dunno wanna hear THAT!"
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"craig, is gonna be different living out here, dont let your uncle or your cousin get you into any kind of shit now you hear me?"
"pops im grown now, cant no body get me in trouble no more"
"im glad you said that son, coz since you grown, dont bring your black ass back home..."
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evil dead, (Whats that you got on your face?" ash, while shoveling dirt onto his victim
Eldar.O.
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I Supported Toymods
Location: Wollongong
Registered: June 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 04 April 2005 11:26
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In Futurama
When that dude is about to jump off that building (commit suicide)
some guy on the ground yells out
"DO A FLIP!!"
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Location: Tassie
Registered: October 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 04 April 2005 12:10
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When eddie murphy does his bill cosby on "raw"
it's more of a whole page than a line but it's pure gold
I laughed so hard i started to see stars
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Location: Campbelltown, NSW
Registered: November 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 04 April 2005 13:05
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anything ever said my RALPH WIGUM off the simpsons
is HILARIOUS
CHEERS
NOLAN
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Location: Brisbane
Registered: May 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 04 April 2005 13:26
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you gotta have heard it for yourself, but the black guy's weather report on the family guy:
"IT'S GONNA RAIN!"
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Location: Campbelltown, NSW
Registered: November 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 04 April 2005 13:30
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bahaha
just about every line from the family guy is fuckin funny
one of the best shows ever..
CHEERS
NOLAN
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Location: 1st street on the right
Registered: November 2002
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 04 April 2005 13:37
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How about I get you a spoon so you can eat my ass?
Oranges sir? No, no. We got lots.
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Location: Tassie
Registered: October 2003
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I supported Toymods
Location: fairfield NSW
Registered: January 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Tue, 05 April 2005 05:11
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nightdevil wrote on Mon, 04 April 2005 21:26 | In Futurama
When that dude is about to jump off that building (commit suicide)
some guy on the ground yells out
"DO A FLIP!!"
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holy sh*t hahaha i laughed at that
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Location: Sydney
Registered: April 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Tue, 05 April 2005 09:25
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Ok everyones throwing in simpsons ones so heres mine:
Principal skinner putting on his camoflage makeup... accidently took his mums makeup kit instead..
superintendant charmlers walks in..... see's skinner with makeup.
Skinner: Uhhh Super-intendant charmlers!
Chalmers: Oh. My. God.
And one in my sig from Des whilst in Melbourne;
Me: So uhh is there like a cool area in Melbourne to eat like with views of the city like a harbour type area?
HotBlondeChick#1: Whats a harbour?
Me: ....
HotBlondeChick#2: Oh well we have a lake.
Des: What's a lake?
2hotblondechicks: *Stunned by comeback*
(Me pictures myself falling off my chair in laughter but I only produce a smirk)
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Location: Campbelltown
Registered: November 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Tue, 05 April 2005 23:08
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the simpson's last night when bart got kidnapped:
Bart says: The kidnapper's said everything will be ok if you follow the instructions.
Homer: Instructions were doomed, what are we gonna do for thanks giving
Marge: Thanks giving isn't for another six months
Homer: Why does the bad news keep on coming
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Location: BRAY PARK BRISBANE
Registered: March 2005
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Location: melbourne
Registered: February 2005
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Wed, 06 April 2005 10:08
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family guy by far the funnyiest....
"hey mr. y did the dinosaurs die out?"
"because u touch urself at night"
oh man theres so many......
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Location: melbourne
Registered: February 2005
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Wed, 06 April 2005 10:12
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chief wiggim.....
"i got one more question for u?
- shut up?"
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Location: melb
Registered: March 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Wed, 06 April 2005 11:46
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eddie murphy in life
ooh muthafuck you cant have ma cornbread thats fo damn sho!
and principle skinner
nibbles, chew through my sac
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Location: melbourne
Registered: February 2005
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 07 April 2005 00:50
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eddie murphy in raw or dillirious not sure wat one!
"gus i figured out ur wife.... shes a big foot gus"
"goony goo goo - wat the fark is goony goo goo"
"i want half"
"this aint no instamatic mother farka"
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Location: Central Coast, NSW
Registered: February 2005
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 07 April 2005 01:08
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random knife-throwing guy in escape from LA... yelling this out to kurt russel
"look at my face when i talk to you shit-heel!"
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Location: Newcastle, Australia
Registered: March 2005
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 07 April 2005 05:53
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I miss my ex-girlfriend...but my aim is improving
Her pussy was so loose, it was like throwing a tic tac down the harbour tunnel!
She had a fanny like a clown's pocket
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Location: Brisbane
Registered: October 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 07 April 2005 07:14
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Invader Zim: GIR "i wanna be a mongoose dog"
"I'm gonna sing the doom song now... doomy doom doom dooooom do-do-dooom......"
my mate, completely outta the blue when i was talking to him on the phone " btw, my dog is taking a crap"
okay... had to be there
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I supported Toymods
Location: Adelaide
Registered: July 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 07 April 2005 10:01
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Mayor: well it looks like we are going to have to steal another baseball team, get me the dallas cowboys, see how much they want to play.
Secretary: But the dallas cowboys are a football team
Mayor: they will play what I tell them to play, *sly voice* for I am the mayor of alberquirque!
love the simpsons!
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Location: Tassie
Registered: October 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sat, 18 June 2005 11:30
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My mate dale on which pizza shop to buy from.
"Nothing beats lavenica but monbannas is better"
My sister on why she got in trouble for not doing her school work.
"I'm not lazy i just can't be bothered"
I though these were cool so i dug up the post and chucked em in.
Mookie
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Location: Sydney
Registered: September 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sat, 18 June 2005 13:50
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from The Simpsons: White people have names like Lenny, black people have names like Carl.
Groundskeeper Willie: You want to pick on immigrants? Then pick on Willie!
Principal Skinner: Willie, please. The children want to pick on someone their own size.
When homer has to take a psych test for wearing a pink shirt and Bart is the one who fills out the test.
Homer: So.. did I pass.. ? (scared)
Mr Burns: Ohhh yes you passed (mockingly) Mwahahahahaha!
Smithers: Careful men, he wets his pants!
In one of the Horror specials..
Lisa: *gasps* Bart! The next time we fall asleep we could die!
Grandpa: Bah! Welcome to my world!
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Location: Perth, WA
Registered: December 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sat, 18 June 2005 14:00
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BOY, WHAT THE HELL YOU DOIN IN MY HOUSE? EATIN A BIG ASS SANDWICH N SHIT.
NIGGA IM SANTA CLAUSE, WHERE THE FUCK THE MILK N COOKIES?
fuck that movie rules.
Eldar.O.
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Location: Brisbane
Registered: March 2005
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sun, 19 June 2005 14:09
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one of the best simpsons quotes,
its the epsisode where they go on homers work retreat in the snow. bart lisa and marge find themselves in a crappy tourist lodge. bart presses a button on a animated bear,
bear- "only who can prevent forest fires?
;bart presses "you" button on bear
bear- you pressed you, referign to me.. the correct answer is you.
lol. one of the best thought out gags ever
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Location: Sydney, Shire
Registered: April 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Tue, 21 June 2005 11:36
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after an awesome date on george has on seinfeld this goes down...
female- " would u like to come up for coffee"
george- " no thanks.. coffee keeps me up at night"
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Location: Melbourne S.E suburbs
Registered: May 2005
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 30 June 2005 13:17
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" IAN THORPE SAYS ITS FULLY SICK !!! "
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Location: Perth
Registered: August 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 30 June 2005 18:14
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Argh! Spider poison is people poison?!?! - Homer Simpson
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Location: Newcastle
Registered: June 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 01 July 2005 01:43
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On the simpsons when homer has a flashback from younger age with lenny and carl and carl is talkin about the internetting in his pants then gets scared and say "I think i just logged onto mu internet"
Jay and silent Bob when Bob has a stunned look:
"What r u lookin at lunchbox? theres no snacks here!!"
and another:
"Do somethin tons of fun!"
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I supported Toymods
Location: fairfield NSW
Registered: January 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 01 July 2005 03:09
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that kantong wokstar ad makes me laugh but also shits me to death aswell.
the man and woman are speaking vietnamese, the ad is about 'chinese' food and the ad is depicted like japanese tv.. wtf was the marketing ppl thinking?
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I supported Toymods
Location: Perth
Registered: July 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 01 July 2005 04:28
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"how does a girl like you.. get to be a girl like you anyway?"
- michael knight (season 1, knight rider)
only the hoff can pull off lines that smooth
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Location: Tassie
Registered: October 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 01 August 2005 00:59
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this was me pissed on friday night telliing my best friend how much she means to me.
ME: you know what? your my boost.
I'm ok without you but when i'm with you i'm soooo much better.
It most likly not that funny it's just really cheesey and lame.
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Location: Campbelltown
Registered: November 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 01 August 2005 01:07
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well about two weeks back was sick so stayed home watching midday tv old eps of seinfeld.
Elaine is talking to her boyfriend,
and ask him if he's religous, he says yes, she then asks if its a problem if shes not religious.
He replies for me no but there might be a problem for you.
She replies why that.
He replies cos i'm not the one going to hell.
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