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Location:
Ballarat, Victoria
Registered:
March 2003
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
January 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Tue, 06 April 2004 08:24
 
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"Are you a Mexi-Can or a Mexi-Can't?"
Johny Depp - Once Upon A Time In Mexico
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Location:
Newcastle
Registered:
June 2002
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 08 April 2004 17:35
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"I got enough money to buy me a hundred balls, shit."
Boyz in the Hood
is that a one liner? anyway i love it
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I supported Toymods
Location:
fairfield NSW
Registered:
January 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 09 April 2004 17:58
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| Bill Sherwood wrote on Sat, 03 April 2004 01:07 |
My real fave is from Winston Churchill. He was shitfaced when leaving a prty one night, and when passing by some famous bloke's wife she said to him, "Mister Churchill, you are drunk!"
To which he replied wtihout a pause, "And madam you are ugly, but I shall be sober in the morning."
Classic.
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he actually said that?? HAHAHAHHAHAHAH
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
October 2002
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sat, 10 April 2004 02:28
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Life's like a cactus. Every time you turn around you see another prick.
And a good one from Terminator 3.
Arnie tells some gay guy to give him his clothes.
Gay guy extends his arm and says "Talk to the hand, hunny!"
Arnie grabs the gay guys'hand, raises it to his mouth and says
"Give me your clothes."
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Location:
brisbane
Registered:
August 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 12 April 2004 02:45
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Bonjourrrrrrrr! Ya chiz eetin sarendour monkeys
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Location:
Adelaide
Registered:
June 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 12 April 2004 03:28
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one of my friends has a shirt that says
"le coq magnifique"
which i found rather amusing
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Location:
NSW, East Coast
Registered:
July 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 12 April 2004 13:37
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| lumpy wrote on Thu, 01 April 2004 17:02 |
In addition to the "only gay if you take it" are the classics,
"You're not a man till you've had one"
and
"You're only gay if you push back"!!!
Not that there's anything wrong with that 
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"I'm not gay but ive fuked a bloke who is"
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Location:
Newcastle
Registered:
June 2002
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 29 April 2004 20:55
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Pork chop sandwiches!
www.fenslerfilm.com
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Location:
theres a castle on my hil...
Registered:
October 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 30 April 2004 01:35
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zoolander - "You think your too cool for school.. well i got a news flash for you mr walter chronkite.........  ......... you aren't!"
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Location:
theres a castle on my hil...
Registered:
October 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 30 April 2004 01:38
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who you tryin to get crazy with essay?! dont you know that im loco.
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Location:
central coast, NSW
Registered:
April 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 30 April 2004 02:04
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| Bill Sherwood wrote on Sat, 03 April 2004 01:07 |
The ever-famous line from Ralph Wiggins, from The Simpsons, "Me fail English? That's unpossible!"
My real fave is from Winston Churchill. He was shitfaced when leaving a prty one night, and when passing by some famous bloke's wife she said to him, "Mister Churchill, you are drunk!"
To which he replied wtihout a pause, "And madam you are ugly, but I shall be sober in the morning."
Classic.
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loleh my fav is my sig at bottom
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Location:
central coast, NSW
Registered:
April 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 30 April 2004 05:30
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"people that post to much has been deleted by moderater"  ( real life saying)
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Location:
On your mum!
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 30 April 2004 06:03
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"who is your daddy, and what does he do"? Arnie in Kindergarten Cop.
oh and "this is Bullshit" Peter Phelps in every episode of Stingers
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Location:
central coast, NSW
Registered:
April 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 30 April 2004 08:11
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I just picked my son up and we were talking about what we would do tommorrow being a weekend it's always busy. Then out of the blue he said "you know, I think that I've caught that thing that my Nanna has when I was visiting her not the hearing problem but The remembering one" "I must have stood to close to her to many times" !!!! Laugh
Kids are the best .......................
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I supported Toymods
Location:
Perth
Registered:
October 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sat, 01 May 2004 23:51
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"you got to keep on, keeping on"
"Lifes a garden, dig it"
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I supported Toymods
Location:
Perth
Registered:
October 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sun, 02 May 2004 00:00
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| old_mr2 wrote on Fri, 30 April 2004 04:55 |
Pork chop sandwiches!
www.fenslerfilm.com
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Ahh,, you na cooking..
wah.. baababababbababababbaba
PORKCHOP SANDWHICHS!
Holy fuck, get the fuck outa hear..
ow and..
Hmm.. what is that thing,
I dont know lets launch over it
*humvee pulls up*
Who wants a body massage?
What he just say?
Holy hola holly holla hooooooooooooooo...
mr body massage machine.. GO!
ehhhhh what the hell ?
BODY MASSAGE.. !
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Location:
NSW
Registered:
August 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 03 May 2004 05:45
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[quote title=Evil_Foetus wrote on Tue, 06 April 2004 15:20][quote title=coronamark2 wrote on Tue, 06 April 2004 15:15]
Thats some funny shit!
Couldn't stop loughing!
MY FAVOURITE:
"Would you like to play Pinnochio. You sit on my face and I'll tell you lies" 
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Location:
NSW
Registered:
August 2003
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Registered:
November 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 03 May 2004 07:23
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Serious young doctor on one of those soap says as he leans in to look at the ailing old man in the hospital bed..."I think its the heart attack thats making him sick"..true...i have the day and time and the show written down somewhere...who writes this rubbish...
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Location:
Potts Point, Sydney
Registered:
October 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Tue, 04 May 2004 13:23
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| T APLUS 22 wrote on Sun, 28 March 2004 22:20 |
"my eyes, these goggles - they do nothing!"
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you're just like me & my mates...all crazy simpsons fans
"mmmm...Unexplained bacon" - Simpsons
"Dude...I Fu**ed your mum...TWICE" - American Pie
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Location:
Sydney, Peakhurst
Registered:
May 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Wed, 19 May 2004 12:47
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- NmmmmmmNahoy, You can't enjoy this on as many levels as I can! (professor Fink, Simpsons)
- Hey you guys mind if I tag along, I'm kind of a crime buff... (Chief Wigam)
- Ok, ok, todays the busiest drinking day of the year, all you designated drivers, get lost, I got no room for cheap skates... (Moe)
- (Homer thinking of an aliby) "I was at the pornography store, I was buying pornography...
- My cats breath smells like cat food... (Ralph Wigam)
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Location:
Sydney, Peakhurst
Registered:
May 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Wed, 19 May 2004 12:49
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Hey, lucky that donut exploded in that smoking crater! (Chief Wigam classic!)
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Location:
Rowville, Victoria
Registered:
April 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Wed, 19 May 2004 12:57
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Operator! Gimme the number for 911!!!
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Location:
central coast, NSW
Registered:
April 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 20 May 2004 09:01
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| Toy SX wrote on Wed, 19 May 2004 22:57 |
Operator! Gimme the number for 911!!!
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I supported Toymods
Location:
fairfield NSW
Registered:
January 2003
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Location:
Perth
Registered:
August 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 20 May 2004 16:53
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marge: you have the right to remain silent
homer: i choose to wave that right.... BAAAHHHHHHH ARRRHHHHHHH
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Location:
Melbourne, Australia
Registered:
July 2002
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 21 May 2004 00:53
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TIT MOUSE! MEHEHEHEHEHE!
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Location:
Newcastle
Registered:
June 2002
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Wed, 26 May 2004 15:39
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'Jesus Christ Monkeyballs'
and
'Seeing a rich black man walking down the street makes me want to puke my gizzards into the gutter'
South Park - "The Jeffersons"
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Location:
Sydney, Peakhurst
Registered:
May 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sat, 29 May 2004 14:28
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My cats breath smels like cat food!
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Location:
theres a castle on my hil...
Registered:
October 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sat, 29 May 2004 23:53
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Step into my office.. Because your fucking fired!!!
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Location:
South Australia
Registered:
July 2002
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sun, 30 May 2004 03:34
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Somehow I doubt that this line could be explicitly written on the forums, so I'll 'edit' it a bit...
"I am the master of the c***, remember this f***ing face, where ever you see c*** you'll see this f***ing face, I make that s*** work, it does whatever the F*** I tell it to do!"
And so forth...Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back has bazillions of funny one-liners...such as this 'classy' one...
"Yeah, and in prison - he'll be the pie"
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Location:
Sydney, Peakhurst
Registered:
May 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sun, 30 May 2004 08:33
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WE WILL NO LONGER SPANK THE MONKEY!!!!!!!!
THE MONKEY WILL SPANK US!
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
July 2002
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Sun, 30 May 2004 09:39
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| FWDboy wrote on Sun, 30 May 2004 13:34 |
Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back has bazillions of funny one-liners
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"What the f%^k is the innernet?"
"Why do they call you c%$k knocker?"
"Avenge me... Hemp...Knight...."
"yo baby, ever have your a&^$ole licked by a fatman in an overcoat?"
So does his other movies. Like Clerks
"37! my girlfriend sucked 37 d!%ks!"
"in a row?"
"Try not to suck any d!%k on the way to the parking lot"
"bunch of savages in this town"
"I'd like to go down on you and about 2 other guys, make like a circuis seal."
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Registered:
August 2002
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 31 May 2004 00:38
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"Let off some steam bennett"
"Don't wake my friend, he's dead tired"
"Sully, remember how i said id kill you last.....i LIED!"
"Here's my invitation"
"You're fired"
"I'm the party pooper"
"knock knock....stick around"
"chillout dickwad"
"of course im a terminator"
"im rick james bitch, show us your titties! ..I wish i had four hands so i could give those titties FOUR THUMBS DOWN!"
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Registered:
November 2002
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Location:
Brisbane
Registered:
February 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 31 May 2004 08:10
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"Fuck yo couch nigga!" - Dave Chappell/Rick James
All arnie's one liners are golden too, Commando and The Running Man are some of my favs.
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I supported Toymods
Location:
fairfield NSW
Registered:
January 2003
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Location:
Potts Point, Sydney
Registered:
October 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 07 June 2004 13:12
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| ra23celica wrote on Mon, 31 May 2004 17:45 |
Pizza on SBS, bogan aussie rings Bobo...."What's on a ham and pineapple pizza?"
The movie, Jonny Dangerously....
"Its a 88 Magnum .....it shoots through schools".
"You miserable cork-sucker"
"You fargin ice-hole"
"You and your bastages can gamble"
And Sleek the Elite on Pizza again....with this classic.....
"I don't watch SBS, its too ethnic for me...."
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i gotta add one!!! When there's a flashback to their high skool years, habib screams out to this chik they were all checking out:
"Show us your zits" - everyone pays him out, and rocky goes:
"Its not zits you d!ckhead, its tits"
Love the show.
Another simpson quote, when Homer is making 'speed holes':
"What you doing there neighbour?
I'm making speed holes, they make the car go faster" - Homer Simpson and Ned Flanders
[Updated on: Mon, 07 June 2004 15:24]
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Location:
Burlington, On. Canada
Registered:
January 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Tue, 08 June 2004 02:37
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"If I can't bench it, I won't date it."
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
January 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Tue, 08 June 2004 04:50
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last night on TV they were talking to Paris Hilton and she gave some boy a hug and had some pics taken with him. The interviewer asked him if he'll be able to get to sleep tonight to which the boy replies
"It'll be hard..."
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Location:
local to everywhere
Registered:
June 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Tue, 08 June 2004 05:20
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One of the first lines I remember receiving was when I was camping with some male friends. I told them I didn't like snakes. Their response to me was "In that case watch out for the trouser snakes tonight."
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Location:
sydney - paramatta
Registered:
March 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Tue, 08 June 2004 07:26
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somthing about homer simpson saying,"he'll release the dogs... and the bees... and the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they spit bees at you"
episode where mr burns joins homers bowling team- come on homer hes our man, if he can't do it, no one can (homer gets eaten by dogs) then moe says- looks like no one can,
when homer stickes a hotdog in his eye.
lie detector machine - homer do you understand (homer reply) yes, then the lie detector machine blows up.
homer is one stupid cunny funt.
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Location:
A.C.T
Registered:
July 2002
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 17 June 2004 10:31
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| w810sc wrote on Tue, 08 June 2004 17:26 |
somthing about homer simpson saying,"he'll release the dogs... and the bees... and the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they spit bees at you"
episode where mr burns joins homers bowling team- come on homer hes our man, if he can't do it, no one can (homer gets eaten by dogs) then moe says- looks like no one can,
when homer stickes a hotdog in his eye.
lie detector machine - homer do you understand (homer reply) yes, then the lie detector machine blows up.
homer is one stupid cunny funt.
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Haha yeah they've gotta be the funniest ones. What about the one where bart goes "Hey he lied to us through song, i hate it when people do that!" or when homer and Apu visit the head of the Kwik-e-mart so Apu can ask for his job back and the guy goes
"You may ask 3questions" (Apu only needs to ask one) and homer jumps in
"Are you really the head of the Kwik-e-mart?"
"Yes"
"Realllllllly?"
"Yes"
"Youuuu?"
"Yes. I hope this has been helpfull for you. thankyou please come again."
(Apu)-->"But"
"Thankyou please come again!"
lol then they go outside and Homer goes "Dont worry Apu it was as much my fault as it was yours"
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Location:
Kellyville, Sydney
Registered:
June 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Mon, 21 June 2004 12:17
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"with $10,000, we could be millionares!" - Homer
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Location:
Melbourne
Registered:
October 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Wed, 13 October 2004 10:57
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hey toy yoda thumb warz is the funniest shit ever hey hav u seen thum tanic yet anotha piss ur pants movie in the thum series
Calvin
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Official Cruise Dude
Location:
liverpool
Registered:
March 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Wed, 13 October 2004 11:06
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you know the differcnt between you and me?
i make this look goooood!
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
April 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Wed, 13 October 2004 11:59
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the simpsons - ralph wiggum - "hello super nintendo charmers"
thats brilliant!!!
one that alwas get me..hey wana root? "NOO" well would you mind lying down while I have one!
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Location:
liverpool
Registered:
October 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Wed, 13 October 2004 12:40
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jesus: i must warn you my chillren im packing
south park
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Location:
Dubbo NSW
Registered:
June 2004
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Location:
Melbourne
Registered:
August 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Wed, 13 October 2004 23:06
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come get some. (Ash: Evil dead)
Yeah i could have been king ... but in my own way, I am king. Hail to the king baby! (Ash: Evil dead 3)
.. there a plenty of things to bless! The trees, the birds .. the squirrels .. lets get SCHNIKERED! - Rabbi Tuck, Men in tights.
(Blood spraying out of a servered wound) 'tis just a flesh wound! (Black knight, Monty Pyhton and the holy grail)
(Blows away evil ash who was singing "little goody two shoes") .. i aint that good. (Ash: Evil dead 3)
you cheat! i play with you NO MORE dr jones! (Shorty, Indiana Jones)
... i think you're all f**ked in the head! We're 10 hours from a f**king fun park and you wanna bail out! Well i'll tell ya something .. this is no longer a vaction, its a quest! A quest for fun! I'm gunna have fun, and your gunna have fun. We're all gunna have so much f**king fun we'll need f**king plastic surgery to remove our gaw damn smiles! We'll be whistling ZEE-PA-DEE-DOO-DAH out of our a$$holes! (*Manical laughter*)
I gotta be crazy .. i'm on a pilgramage to see a moose! PRAAIISEE MARRRTTYY MOOSE! Oh sh*t! (Clark Grislwald, Naitonal Lampoons Vaction)
What if I told you insane was working fifty hours a week in some office for fifty years at the end of which they tell you to piss off, ending up in some retirement village hoping to die before suffering the indignity of trying to make it to the toilet on time? Wouldnt you consider that to be insane?
Define irony: a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash.
(Garland Green, Con air)
(Re the question, what gear are you in?) .. GEEEEAARR??? (engine BANG!) - (Jay, Dogma)
.. I have no eyes .. f**k mook! (Once upon a time in mexico)
[Updated on: Thu, 14 October 2004 02:31]
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Location:
Darwin
Registered:
April 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Wed, 13 October 2004 23:26
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| ra23celica wrote on Mon, 31 May 2004 17:15 |
Pizza on SBS, bogan aussie rings Bobo...."What's on a ham and pineapple pizza?"
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More on Pizza:
Pauly to Sleek when Sleek is smoking weed in a tent with other campers:
"alcohol is not a drug you stooge!"
Classic!
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
October 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Wed, 13 October 2004 23:39
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"Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity" - Vinnie Jones, Snatch
And a cracker from my sister the other day, "we're only arguing because you're talking"
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I supported Toymods
Location:
Adelaide
Registered:
July 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 14 October 2004 03:32
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"youre gonna set my country music award on fire?"
"right those kids with the wrenches"
"my cruiser weighs 2000 kilograms"
"the next person that says shenanigans i am gonna pistol whip"
"Im freakin out - you are freekin out!"
Yeah thats right super troopers, possibly the greatest movie ever 
"whats a battle?" "Skinner what did that kid just say?"
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
January 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 14 October 2004 09:26
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| MR 1GGTE wrote on Thu, 14 October 2004 13:32 |
"the next person that says shenanigans i am gonna pistol whip"
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Hey Farva, whats the name of that Irish restaraunt you like?
Shennanigans??
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
April 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 14 October 2004 09:29
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Im going outside to Stalk...Lenny and Carlll...
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Location:
Sydney, Shire
Registered:
April 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Thu, 14 October 2004 14:04
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"tetris is so unrealistic"
"the bishop came to my skool today, he is a bloody imposter, he never moved diagonally once"
"I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals."
so many more i just cant remember them atm
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Location:
VIC, Sth Frankston.
Registered:
July 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 15 October 2004 02:24
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Whose Line is it Anyway - Pickup lines for the elderly:
"Why don't you touch your toes and feel my breasts" - Colin Mockrie
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Location:
camden
Registered:
April 2003
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 15 October 2004 11:11
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"How can women stand putting boiling hot wax on their upper thighs, and still be afraid of a spider???"
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Location:
townsville NQLD
Registered:
February 2004
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Re: funniest one liners your've heard. tv or in life etc.
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Fri, 15 October 2004 11:42
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for a loose women, pick a side and rub it
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