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Location:
Canberra
Registered:
December 2002
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 The odd joke
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Wed, 02 March 2005 01:12
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A woman sitting at a restaurant in McKinney, Texas suddenly began to cough while eating a giant country-fried steak.
After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress, and two cowboys at the next table turned to look at her.
“Kin ya swaller?” asked one of the cowboys.
The woman signalled 'No', desperately shaking her head.
"Kin ya breathe?" asked the other.
The woman, beginning to turn a bit blue, shook her head 'No.'
With that, the first cowboy walked over to her, lifted up the back of her skirt, yanked down her panties, and slowly ran his tongue up and down the woman's butt crack.
This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.
The cowboy slowly walked back over to his table and proudly took another drink of his Lone Star beer.
His partner said in admiration, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but I ain't never seen nobody do it."
1. Two blondes walk into a building..........
you'd think at least one of them would have seen it
2. Phone answering machine message -
"...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for
shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid
that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said,
"No, the steaks are too high."
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled
him in.
7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor
replied "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in
the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't
have your kayak and heat it.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van
covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he
topped himself.
11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his
head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ' Is it common? '
"It's not unusual."
13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed,
is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet,
"let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he
says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because
he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"
14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball
stuck up my backside." ..."How's that?" "Don't you start."
15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can
you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the
world's your oyster,go for it.'
18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are
5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either
my mum or my Dad,or my older Brother Colin, or my younger
Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."
The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery
acid,and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and
let the other one off.
21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving
today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said,
'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in
several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there
anymore"
23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when
a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.
Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so
far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into
the night. 
Cheers
Jason
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Location:
Potts Point, Sydney
Registered:
October 2003
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Re: The odd joke
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Wed, 02 March 2005 03:01
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| Jason wrote on Wed, 02 March 2005 12:12 |
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for
shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his
head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball
stuck up my backside." ..."How's that?" "Don't you start."
18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are
5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either
my mum or my Dad,or my older Brother Colin, or my younger
Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery
acid,and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and
let the other one off.
23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when
a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.
Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so
far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into
the night.
Cheers
Jason
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i reckon these ones are awesome!
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
February 2005
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Re: The odd joke
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Wed, 02 March 2005 05:06
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
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Location:
Coffs Harbour, NSW
Registered:
November 2004
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Re: The odd joke
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Wed, 02 March 2005 05:59
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some are good, but a lot are very lame! 
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Location:
Girraween,Sydney
Registered:
September 2003
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Re: The odd joke
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Wed, 02 March 2005 21:56
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Elevator ride......
This little skinny white guy gets into an elevator, looks up and sees
this HUGE African American guy standing next to him.
The big guys sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says:
"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound
right testicle,
...Turner Brown."
The small man faints dead away and falls to the floor.
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big fellow
says,
"What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guys says,
"What EXACTLY did you say to me?"
The big dude says,
"I saw the curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to
the
questions everyone always asks me.
I'm 7 feet tall, I weight 350 pounds,
I have a 20 inch penis,
my left testicle weighs 3 pounds,
my right testicle weighs 3 pounds
and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says,
"Turner Brown?
Thank God!
I thought you said
"Turn around". ......
Cheers, 
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I Supported Toymods
Location:
Casula
Registered:
January 2005
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Re: The odd joke
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Wed, 02 March 2005 22:12
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| UUP-46X wrote on Thu, 03 March 2005 08:56 |
Elevator ride......
This little skinny white guy gets into an elevator, looks up and sees
this HUGE African American guy standing next to him.
(removed to save space)
The small guy says,
"Turner Brown?
Thank God!
I thought you said
"Turn around". ......
Cheers,
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 near pissed my self. poor little guy.
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
February 2005
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Re: The odd joke
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Thu, 03 March 2005 06:17
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ROFL turn round
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Location:
central coast, NSW
Registered:
April 2004
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Re: The odd joke
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Thu, 03 March 2005 07:33
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what happened to the guy who walked in to the bar?
He hit his head.....
year2 joke....
sad part is I still remember it
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Location:
Newcastle
Registered:
April 2003
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Re: The odd joke
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Thu, 03 March 2005 08:12
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A Greek bloke and an Italian bloke are having a beer one night.
The Greek says that they are better because they have the Pathenon.To which the Italian says that they are better cause they have the Colloseam and besides that the Pathenon is falling down anyway.
The greek gets a little upset at this and says that they are still better cause they invented the Olympics,to which the italian says that while that is okay we are better cause we had the Roman Empire and that lasted for ages.
With this the Greek says "Yeah well we invented sex,just for the hell of not for making babies but just for fun."
The Italian says "yeah fair enough i'll give you that you did invent sex for pleasure,but we were the first to do it with women"
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
February 2005
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Re: The odd joke
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Thu, 03 March 2005 10:22
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You know you a redneck when the speaker says "do the hodown" and you throw your wife on the floor.
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Location:
Land of Oz
Registered:
June 2004
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Re: The odd joke
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Thu, 03 March 2005 10:36
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Hi,
A guy goes into a brothel and tells the Madame "I want a tough woman. A strong woman. Got any?"
"Sure" she replies, and calls over this tall blonde unit. The guy gets out a match and strikes it across her tit, but didn't light.
"Nope" he says. "Got anyone tougher?"
"Sure", the Madame calls over a lusty, busty redhead. The guys strikes the match across her tit and it smouldered but did nothing else.
"Nope. Got anyone tougher than her?"
"Okay" the Madame says and calls out this black amazonian wench. The guys strikes a match across her tits and it flares up instantly.
"I'll take her" he says and they adjourn to her chamber. He goes to the bathroon and freshens himself up and when he returns she's naked and on the floor - in the all fours position, with one leg raised up in the air.
"What are you doing?" he asked
"I thought you'd might like to crack open a beer before you start"
seeyuzz
river
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Location:
Perth, WA
Registered:
December 2004
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Re: The odd joke
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Thu, 03 March 2005 16:08
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river you seedy old man
funny shit though!
Guys sitting at a bar, getting real drunk, then, he decides to leave, puts one foot on the floor and falls flat on his face, so he tries again, same result...
all the way home.. he gets to his house and knocks on the door and screams out, his wife answers the door groggily, he tells her that he cant walk,
she takes one look rolls her eyes and says "youve left your wheel chair at the pub again havent you??
Cheers,
Eldar.O.
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