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I Supported Toymods
Location:
melbourne.vic.au
Registered:
May 2002
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 Blonde Jokes
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Mon, 11 November 2002 04:51
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A friend told me to post this up to share with you all...
Disclamer This is not to be offensive but here for all to enjoy...
Joke # 1
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help
me... I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him
in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He
studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He held her hand and said,
"Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then
..........." he sighed,
..."let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."
Joke # 2
A Blonde's husband comes home from work and she rushes up and yell excitedly "i have spent 2 hours on this jigsaw puzzle, and now its finished" he walks in to see a 32 peice jigsaw puzzle sitting on the table.
he asks her "you spent 2 hours putting this together?"
and she replies " yeah, i know isnt it amazing. when i read the box it said 3-5 years. "
[Updated on: Mon, 11 November 2002 04:52]
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July 2002
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I Supported Toymods
Location:
melbourne.vic.au
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Mon, 11 November 2002 05:16
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Joke #3
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides on the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level. The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to get up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. The brunette asks, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looks up at her, swallows hard and says,
"YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER"
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I supported Toymods
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Mon, 11 November 2002 05:26
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Q: What do you call 3 blondes standing in a row?
A: A wind tunnel
-------------------------------------------------- ----
Q: What do call a brunette standing between 2 blondes?
A: A translator
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Q: What have a jumbo jet and a fake blonde got in common?
A: A black box
-------------------------------------------------- ----
Q: What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair black?
A: Artificial intelligence
hands baton over - there are too many.
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I supported Toymods
Location:
Perth
Registered:
August 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Mon, 11 November 2002 05:39
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q: what's the difference between a blonde and a train?
a: not every man's been in a train before
q: if a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, which one reaches the ground first?
a: brunette, the blonde has to stop and ask for directions
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I supported Toymods
Location:
Epping, Sydney
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Mon, 11 November 2002 05:54
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Q. Why are all blonde jokes 1 liners?
A. So men can understand them
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
October 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Mon, 11 November 2002 07:59
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Whats the same about a blonde and a screen door?
The more you bang it the looser it gets.
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Location:
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Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Mon, 11 November 2002 08:11
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| draven wrote on Mon, 11 November 2002 16:54 |
Q. Why are all blonde jokes 1 liners?
A. So men can understand them
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GASP*
this is not the place for that ridiculous comment
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Club Member
Location:
Sydney, NSW
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Mon, 11 November 2002 08:22
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This thread rocks!!!
Keep 'em coming...
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I supported Toymods
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Mon, 11 November 2002 21:55
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| manipulate wrote on Mon, 11 November 2002 19:11 |
| draven wrote on Mon, 11 November 2002 16:54 |
Q. Why are all blonde jokes 1 liners?
A. So men can understand them
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GASP*
this is not the place for that ridiculous comment
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so it's alright to pick on the blondes of the world.. but not the males huh??
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Location:
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Mon, 11 November 2002 22:39
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well done !!!
You're definetely not blonde
Have a cookie
Just messing
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I supported Toymods
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Mon, 11 November 2002 22:45
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tis all good Mani,,,
I just think that this calls for some counter action
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Location:
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Mon, 11 November 2002 22:51
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In the words of Imogen Bailey last night... "Bring it on"
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Location:
Cabramatta, NSW
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Mon, 11 November 2002 22:56
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KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual headline)
Lisa Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.
One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Lisa's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay and Lisa replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Lisa refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Lisa had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
Lisa is blonde.
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I supported Toymods
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Man Jokes - Counter attack from the women
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Tue, 12 November 2002 00:49
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Just my bit to get you guys going - I love the blonde jokes but I have a fair bit of blonde in my hair so I have to defend us women.....
Here Goes
Top 10 Reasons Computers Must Be Male
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter.
hehehehe
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I supported Toymods
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More Men Jokes
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Tue, 12 November 2002 01:05
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Here are some more about the weaker sex, Joking.....
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time!
What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
They're usually intended for children, but it's the men who end up playing with them.
Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
Because their balls fall over their a##hole and they vapor-lock!
Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
My parting Quote
If God were female, do you REALLY think men would exist?
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Club Member
Location:
Sydney, NSW
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: More Men Jokes
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Tue, 12 November 2002 01:19
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| Teenz wrote on Tue, 12 November 2002 12:05 |
Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
Because their balls fall over their a##hole and they vapor-lock!
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ROFL !!!!!!
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Location:
Cairns
Registered:
June 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Tue, 12 November 2002 01:28
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2 blondes walking through the forest, they notice some tracks, Blonde 1 says "hey they look like cute little rabbit tracks" the other one says "your such a blonde, they are deer tracks for sure" So they start arguing about what kind of tracks they are. And 2 minutes later they get hit by a train.
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I supported Toymods
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Tue, 12 November 2002 05:17
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hahaha.. well Done Teenz.
I have to censor some of mine before I can post them.
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I supported Toymods
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Tue, 12 November 2002 07:49
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Why email is like a penis
10. Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut off.
9. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.
8. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat but think it's not
worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.
7. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it, a phenomenon
psychologists call "E-mail Envy."
6. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work
done.
5. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vitalto the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.
4. If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.
3. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size
and influence warrant.
2. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of
trouble.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY E-MAIL IS LIKE A PENIS...
1. If you play with it too much, you'll go blind.
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I supported Toymods
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Tue, 12 November 2002 10:09
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Q: Why do men have a hole at the end of their penis?
A: So their brain can get oxygen.
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I supported Toymods
Location:
Epping, Sydney
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Tue, 12 November 2002 12:11
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very nice HSV_GAL
(I'm one of those weird guys who is a feminist)
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I supported Toymods
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Tue, 12 November 2002 22:25
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Ok guys.. I just had to do this,
Why do men prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
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I supported Toymods
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Tue, 12 November 2002 22:42
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Very Good!
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Club President
I supported Toymods
Location:
Sydney
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Tue, 12 November 2002 23:05
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Yesterday scientists for health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sence, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to appologise when wrong.
No further testing is planned !
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I supported Toymods
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Tue, 12 November 2002 23:22
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Sex:
Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay.
Men prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.
Magazines
Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women
Toys:
Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.
Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.
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Club President
I supported Toymods
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Women Jokes ! (arn't thay all !)
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Tue, 12 November 2002 23:23
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A man was walking thru the local shops when he witnessed a babies pram rolling out into oncoming traffic. Without consideration for himself he raced to the aid of the young child saving it narrowly from being killed by a passing bus. Pleased with himself he headed to the local park for reflection on his actions.
As he sat there the image of God was presented before him. " In regognition for your selfless act in such a selfish society I want to grant you one wish of your choosing"
The man sat in shock for a long moment before making his answer. " Well God, My family lives in Tasmania and I am scared of boats so I cannot visit them. What I would really like is nice big expressway from the mainland to tassie to I can get in my Toyota and drive over and see them when ever I want."
God listened and responded harshly "That is a very materialistic wish my son I would prefer you to wish for something more beneficial to humanity and not just yourself"
The man sat in silence for a long while before turning back to the lord. "God he said I want to be able to understand women, know what they want and how they think, be able to understand their needs and desires and be able to teach other men how to understand them"
God Replied " So how many lanes do you want on that highway ! "
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Club President
I supported Toymods
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Re: more Women Jokes !
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Tue, 12 November 2002 23:34
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Q. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
A.A golden retriever.
Q. Why does the bride always wear white?
A. Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
Oldies but Goodies !
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Club President
I supported Toymods
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Tue, 12 November 2002 23:59
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And finally for now !
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Truth is its just easier for women to comprehend ! 
Oh and if I'm not at Mondays meeting Tina has Killed me !
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I supported Toymods
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Re: Man Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 00:18
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More Jokes for the Girls to laugh at:
Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Q. Why are men like popcorn?
A. They Satisfy you but only for a little while.
Q. How many divorced Men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Who knows; they never get the house
Q. How can you tell if a man is well hung?
A. If you can't get your finger between the rope and his neck!!!!
True facts about men!
1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.
2. Woman don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason:you're sick of him.
4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
5. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.
7. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
8. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
9. Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.
10. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is
married
11. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men -- a woman.
12. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -strong, caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but you could still use them.
13. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent -- but they make great pets.
14. Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.
15. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop"..
16. Husbands are like children -- they're fine if they're someone else's.
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I supported Toymods
Banned User
Location:
Brisbane
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May 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 03:11
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Small robots that serve cocktails on command???
Where do I get one of these? 
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Toymods Social Secretary
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Sydney
Registered:
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 03:13
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Location:
Mornington Peninsula
Registered:
September 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 03:17
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They're funny cause they're true Teenz.
How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof?
Tell her drinks are on the house!
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M's factory?
Cause she threw out all the W's!
Mental blank, can't think of any more at the moment.
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Toymods Social Secretary
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 03:18
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On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe
storm.
The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one
wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.
Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.
"I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own
peril. They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous, tall, built, with reddish-blond hair and hazel eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning
his shirt
.......one button at a time.
.......No one moves.
......He removes his shirt.
......Muscles ripple across his chest.
......He walks up to her and,
......he whispers:
......"Iron this."
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Toymods Social Secretary
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 03:26
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"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and
only enough blood to run one at a time."
> Robin Williams
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving
an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
> Dave Barry
"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on
them?"
> Marilyn Pittman
"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the
same."
> Oscar Wilde
"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an
institution yet."
> Mae West
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as
the only time of the month that I can be myself."
> Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
> Billy Crystal
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I
don't like and just give her a house."
> Lewis Grizzard
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I supported Toymods
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 03:31
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What's the difference between a penis and a prick?
A penis is fun, sexy and satisfying... A prick is the guy who owns it.
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I supported Toymods
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 03:34
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Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. The Lord comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."
Said and done, the next time The Lord looked the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.
The Lord got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here
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Toymods Social Secretary
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 03:41
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Blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.
Blonde: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static."
Store Clerk: "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"
Blonde: "It's called 'Head Cleaner'
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I supported Toymods
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 03:53
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10 top things you never say to a naked man
1 This explains your car.
2 I never saw one like that before.
3 But it still works, right?
4 Are you cold?
5 I guess this makes me the early bird.
6 Ahhhh, it's cute.
7 Can I be honest with you?
8 Maybe it looks better in natural light.
9 Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10 Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
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Toymods Social Secretary
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I supported Toymods
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 04:28
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Witzl,
Not much has changed between the 60's and now! Damn, us girls are going to have to write some new rules.....
hehehehe
This is a great thread!
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I supported Toymods
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Re: Blonde GUY Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 04:34
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Just to change the direction a bit - I found a BLONDE GUY JOKE
An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde guy's wife.
............are you ready for it...................
............its worth the wait ...........................
............here it comes ................................
"Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch."
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
July 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 04:41
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There was a "smart" blonde driving through the country side when she noticed a blonde in a rowing boat in the middle of a grass paddock, rowing for all she was worth.
She stopped the car and yelled over "Hey! What are you doing?"
The blonde in the boat replied "Can't you see I'm rowing!"
The "smart" blonde was furious: "Its blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! I'd come over there and belt the crap out of you if I could only swim!"
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I supported Toymods
Location:
Epping, Sydney
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 04:43
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sorry to be a little of a thread hijacker, but rod's comment reminded me. when is the next meet?
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I supported Toymods
Location:
sydney
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 04:46
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draven,
Next meeting is Monday comming 18th Nov
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I supported Toymods
Location:
Sydney
Registered:
May 2002
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Toymods Social Secretary
Location:
Sydney
Registered:
July 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 05:09
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heehee... rod, do u rekon we can convert a vibrator to drive a lawnmower?
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 05:26
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Whats the difference between a Woman with PMS and a Pitbull??
Lipgloss
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I supported Toymods
Location:
Berowra-Sydney
Registered:
July 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 06:37
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i have no jokes as i can never remember the bloody things but have a little bit of fact for you,
you remember that IQ test Australia thing that was on a while ago? well if you check the statistics of that IQ test results came up as so,
Bald people at #1
Grey hair at #2
Red hair at #3
Brown/Black at #4
and Blonde was last #5 with the lowest IQ
so the facts are there
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Toymods Social Secretary
Location:
Sydney
Registered:
July 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Wed, 13 November 2002 22:35
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heres a good blonde joke for you....
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I supported Toymods
Location:
Brisbane, QLD
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Fri, 15 November 2002 07:47
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Well, this is not personal opinion (don't want any misdirected death threats etc, etc.)... I happen to be a SNAG (Sensitve New Age Guy), i.e. "I know the power of women in the brave new world and as such, I shall claim no contest to a womans opinion"! Having said that, the effects of this joke in public tends to be profound in nature (let it be good or bad, well, mostly bad...)
Why did god invent women?
Because he couldn't think of a better way to carry the sperm from the bedroom to the bathroom!
Cheers
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I supported Toymods
Location:
I renounced punctuation
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Sat, 16 November 2002 06:57
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| humble wrote on Fri, 15 November 2002 18:47 |
.........I happen to be a SNAG (Sensitve New Age Guy)..........
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I'm more of a caring understanding nineties type.
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Location:
sydney
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Blonde Jokes
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Sat, 16 November 2002 09:46
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| gianttomato wrote on Sat, 16 November 2002 17:57 |
| humble wrote on Fri, 15 November 2002 18:47 |
.........I happen to be a SNAG (Sensitve New Age Guy)..........
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I'm more of a caring understanding nineties type.
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caring understanding ninties type!...ahahahah...
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Re: Guy Jokes