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Jorrs
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Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Mon, 22 August 2005 13:29 Go to next message
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very
faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over- enthusiastic
on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped
in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she
would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing
a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them She was
lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon
on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their
business
they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally
sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other
husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to
suspect
the worst........... my wife came home with no panties!!" "That's nothing"
said
the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that
said.....
'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'


Owned Razz

[Updated on: Mon, 22 August 2005 14:07]

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ae80
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Re: Girls Night Out Mon, 22 August 2005 13:42 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Laughing Laughing Laughing
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dimmy77_03
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Re: Girls Night Out Mon, 22 August 2005 13:46 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Laughing Laughing Havent heard that one before!! Do you have any more?
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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out Mon, 22 August 2005 13:48 Go to previous messageGo to next message
ill have a look, Wink
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Shraka
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Re: Girls Night Out Mon, 22 August 2005 13:49 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Ha ha, gold.
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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out Mon, 22 August 2005 13:54 Go to previous messageGo to next message
The easiest way to explain it to kids....

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y83/Jorrs/ATT751178.jpg
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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out Mon, 22 August 2005 13:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
A Fairy Tale
> Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"

>

> She said "No"

>

> And the guy lived happily ever after.

>

> THE END

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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out Mon, 22 August 2005 13:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y83/Jorrs/1951fpa.jpg
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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out Mon, 22 August 2005 14:01 Go to previous messageGo to next message
ummmm hope this doesnt offend anyone,
Two Arab mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting over a pint of
goat's milk.

The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through
pictures, and

they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old
now."

"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.

"He's a martyr now though" mum confides.

"Oh, so sad dear" says the other.

"And this is my second son Kalid. He's 21."

"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when
he was born".

"He's a martyr too" says mum quietly.

"Oh gracious me ...." says the other.

"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He's 18 ", she
whispers.

"Yes" says, the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started
school".

"He's a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at
the photographs and says...



"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out Mon, 22 August 2005 14:03 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Indeed, an award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate Attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE To be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS". The attendant replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear,

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please, " She began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, The man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F... You!"



Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to

get in line for that too.

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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out Mon, 22 August 2005 14:05 Go to previous messageGo to next message
No Message Body

[Updated on: Mon, 29 August 2005 03:49] by Moderator

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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out Mon, 22 August 2005 14:06 Go to previous messageGo to next message
The joys of little girls.
>

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled
as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears
formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of
nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared
at the ground.

He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her
attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're
mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered..
"So, the other one is a Mummy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question
he replied. "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs".

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then
took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having any of
that poofter shit in our garden" she said

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dimmy77_03
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Re: Girls Night Out Mon, 22 August 2005 14:07 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Laughing Laughing love the Virgin one...

Well done mate Very Happy
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Malicia
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Re: Girls Night Out Mon, 22 August 2005 14:09 Go to previous messageGo to next message
A guy runs into the toilet at the mall and sits down to take care of business, a few seconds later he hears a voice in the Both Next to him...

"Hello?..."

The man pauses puzzled.

"Hello? You there mate?" the voice calls again.

The man puzzled replies "..Yeah"

"Finally, what are you doing?" The voice asks.

"Umm.. taking care of business" He replies.

"Argh yeah that sounds good, What are you doing later?" Asks the voice.

"Umm... Shopping I guess" The man replies, thinking this guy is weird.

Then the man hears:
"Hang on mate, The Dickhead in the booth next to me is being a smart arse!"
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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Mon, 22 August 2005 14:11 Go to previous messageGo to next message
lol nice one Laughing
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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Mon, 22 August 2005 14:23 Go to previous messageGo to next message
George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife
told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see
from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the
light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said no.
Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock
his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, Okay,"
hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

" Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my
shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot
them all."
Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an
ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence. Of course, the police
caught them burglars red-handed
One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot
them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

(True Story) I LOVE IT



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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Mon, 22 August 2005 14:25 Go to previous messageGo to next message
How To Shower Like a Woman
> >> > >
> >> > > Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket
according
> >>to lights and darks.
> >> > > Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
> >> > > If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
> >> > > Look at your womanly figure in the mirror - notice cellulite, make
> >> > > mental note to get back onto diet, do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, stand
> >> > > straighter, etc.
> >> > > Hang up dressing gown, turn on fan, get in the shower.
> >> > > Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and
> >>pumice stone.
> >> > > Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
> >>vitamins.
> >> > > Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
> >> > > Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
> >> > > Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes
until
> >>red.
> >> > > Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
> >> > > Rinse conditioner off hair.
> >> > > Shave armpits and legs.
> >> > > Turn off shower.
> >> > > Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
> >> > > Spray mould spots with tile cleaner.
> >> > > Get out of shower.
> >> > > Dry with towel the size of a small country.
> >> > > Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
> >> > > Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
> >> > > If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
> >> > >
> >> > >
> >> > > How To Shower Like a Man
> >> > > Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave
them
> >>in a pile.
> >> > > Walk naked to the bathroom.
> >> > > If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the
> >> > > 'woo-woo'
> >> > > sound.
> >> > > Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
> >> > > Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
> >> > > Get in the shower.
> >> > > Wash your face.
> >> > > Wash your armpits.
> >> > > Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
> >> > > Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
> >> > > Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
> >> > > Wash your hair.
> Use the wife's razor
> >> > > Make a shampoo Mohawk.
> >> > > Wee.
> >> > > Rinse off and get out of shower.
> >> > > Partially dry off.
> >> > > Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain was hanging
out
> >> > > of bath
> >>the whole time.
> >> > > Admire willy size in mirror again.
> >> > > Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, soap on shower floor,
> >> > > light on.
> >> > > Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
> >> > > If you pass wife, flash her, pull off towel, shake willy and make
the
> >> > 'woo-woo' sound again.
> >> > > Throw wet towel on bed.
> >> > >
> >> > >
> >> > BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH
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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Mon, 22 August 2005 14:36 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Men Beware
>>
>> Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs
>> to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.
>>
>> Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer".
>>
>> The drug is found in liquid form and available anywhere.
>>
>> It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs".
>>
>> "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to
>> persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.
>>
>> A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of "Beer" and
>> then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.
>>
>> Men are rendered helpless against this approach.
>>
>> After several "Beers", men will often succumb to the desires to perform
>> sexual acts on horrific looking women whom they would never normally be
>> attracted.
>>
>> After drinking "Beer", men often awaken with only hazy memories of
>> exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague
>> feeling that "something bad" occurred.
>>
>> At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's
>> savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship."
>>
>> In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the
>> unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment
>> referred to as "marriage".
>>
>> Men are much more susceptible to this scam after "Beer" is administered
>> and sex is offered by the predatory females.
>>
>> Please forward this warning to every male you know.
>>
>> If you fall victim to this "Beer" and the women administering it, there
>> are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your
>> shocking encounter with similarly affected like-minded guys.
>>
>> For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the
>> phone book
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johne
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Mon, 22 August 2005 14:38 Go to previous messageGo to next message
ahahah
more more more
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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Mon, 22 August 2005 14:39 Go to previous messageGo to next message
i have an extremely funny powerpoint preso that i can send to people if u provide me with your email adress ? i mean extremely funny Wink
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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Mon, 22 August 2005 14:40 Go to previous messageGo to next message
A blonde phones the fire brigade and says

'Can you please come quick,

my house is on fire and will be demolished if you don't save it!'


The fireman asks

"How do we get there?"


"Hellloooooo", the blonde replies, "in the fu*#!ing big red truck!"












.
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xolent
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Re: Girls Night Out Mon, 22 August 2005 14:49 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Jorrs wrote on Mon, 22 August 2005 23:58

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y83/Jorrs/1951fpa.jpg


please don't tell me that is infact a guy
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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Mon, 22 August 2005 14:51 Go to previous messageGo to next message
nah mate hot girl Very Happy
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mynameisrodney
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Mon, 22 August 2005 20:43 Go to previous messageGo to next message
http://www.funny-games.biz/pictures/hitit/seal.jpg
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skellator
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Mon, 22 August 2005 21:49 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Jorrs wrote on Tue, 23 August 2005 00:39

i have an extremely funny powerpoint preso that i can send to people if u provide me with your email adress ? i mean extremely funny Wink



yes please! you know mine...


oh and: Laughing
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draven
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Mon, 22 August 2005 23:38 Go to previous messageGo to next message
that chiuck has a fantastic arse.
(and the jokes are good too)
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rthy
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wtf is a jabber? a punch line?
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 00:08 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Laughing good stuff
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Corona RT142
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 00:12 Go to previous messageGo to next message
skellator wrote on Tue, 23 August 2005 07:49

Jorrs wrote on Tue, 23 August 2005 00:39

i have an extremely funny powerpoint preso that i can send to people if u provide me with your email adress ? i mean extremely funny Wink



yes please! you know mine...


oh and: Laughing

that isn't the Ikea ad one it it.
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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 01:16 Go to previous messageGo to next message
its irish car recovery Wink give me your emails and ill send it
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WantaTurbo
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 01:26 Go to previous messageGo to next message
This isn't the one you're talkin bout is it ? Wink

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y43/wantaturbo/01.jpg

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y43/wantaturbo/02.jpg

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y43/wantaturbo/03.jpg
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Corona RT142
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 01:30 Go to previous messageGo to next message
if thats it already seen it, the Ikea ad one is pretty old now couple of years but good for a perve. I'll see if i can find it and pass it on to you jorrs. Wink
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 03:14 Go to previous messageGo to next message
draven wrote on Tue, 23 August 2005 09:38

that chiuck has a fantastic arse.
(and the jokes are good too)


I'll agree to that. Bloody great arse.
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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 04:49 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Corona RT142 wrote on Tue, 23 August 2005 11:30

if thats it already seen it, the Ikea ad one is pretty old now couple of years but good for a perve. I'll see if i can find it and pass it on to you jorrs. Wink


yeh i havent seen that one ? cheers Very Happy
yeh thats the irish one, its got good commentary Razz lol hell funny shit
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WantaTurbo
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 05:13 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Yian wrote on Tue, 23 August 2005 13:14

draven wrote on Tue, 23 August 2005 09:38

that chiuck has a fantastic arse.
(and the jokes are good too)


I'll agree to that. Bloody great arse.


Im gonna third that cause her arse deserves it Very Happy
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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 05:21 Go to previous messageGo to next message
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man,

so he hired the famous Chinese detective,

Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone.

A few days later, he received this report:

MOST HONOLABLE SIR:

YOU LEAVE HOUSE

I WATCH HOUSE

HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH

HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW.

HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE.

I LOOK IN WINDOW.

HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.

HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.

HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.

I PLAY WITH ME. I FALL OUT OF TREE. I NO SEE.

NO FEE.

CHEN LEE.

SOLLEE.

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RobST162
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 05:24 Go to previous messageGo to next message
funny stuff man i was cacking myself
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Evan
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 05:36 Go to previous messageGo to next message
edgedaz@hotmail.com

Let us check out that powerpoint pressy mate
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Jorrs
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 05:41 Go to previous messageGo to next message
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y83/Jorrs/Black_do.jpg
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meeves
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 05:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
haha that chinese detective one is awesome
also can i see the powerpoint presentation
matty_513@hotmail.com
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stradlater
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 06:03 Go to previous messageGo to next message
I'll take the powerpoint

toymods@sco.net.au
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CoronaC
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 06:16 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Jorrs wrote on Tue, 23 August 2005 00:23

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife
told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see
from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the
light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said no.
Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock
his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, Okay,"
hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

" Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my
shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot
them all."
Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an
ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence. Of course, the police
caught them burglars red-handed
One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot
them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

(True Story) I LOVE IT






http://chris.mattywired.net/response.jpg

Same story different people Very Happy

cheers
chris
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magicmitch
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 07:41 Go to previous messageGo to next message
ill take the powerpoint if u dont mind

mighty_mitch85@hotmail.com
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Sprinter-Saurus
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 11:11 Go to previous messageGo to next message
I'll also take the powerpoint pressy too thanks if it's no trouble.

jtfo45@hotmail.com

Cheers, Daniel. Smile
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AW11 no Jitsu
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 11:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
The powerpoint pres please.

d_hellrager@yahoo.com
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mynameisrodney
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Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 23 August 2005 12:02 Go to previous messageGo to next message
ditto
mynameisrodney@hotmail.com

cheers
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GZ20TT
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Melbourne
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July 2002
 
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 24 August 2005 01:06 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Hi,
powerpoint presentation please

frankiechan5150@hotmail.com

Thanks
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PHOBIA
Regular


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Cental Coast NSW
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May 2005
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 24 August 2005 03:05 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Mate, your killing me but I want more....

communitymortagages@bigpond.com
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CrUZsida
Forums Junkie


I supported Toymods

Location:
Australia
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November 2003
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 24 August 2005 03:13 Go to previous messageGo to next message
FFS can someone just upload it and post it.
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MarioM
Regular


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Melbourne
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January 2005
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 24 August 2005 23:26 Go to previous messageGo to next message
an email sent to me

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but
knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the
newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought
long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to
hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the
house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew alot
about ranching. For weeks,the two of them worked, and the ranch
was
doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a
really good job and the ranch looks great. You should go into town
and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town
that Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired
hand. He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he
found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace
with a glass of wine,
waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she
directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by
her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her
eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling
hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. "Now,"
she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, he slowly
pulled them down and off.
Then she looked at him and said,
"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired
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WantaTurbo
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Newcastle
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June 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Thu, 25 August 2005 01:33 Go to previous messageGo to next message
HAHAHA gold!!
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dimmy77_03
Forums Junkie


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Potts Point, Sydney
Registered:
October 2003
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Thu, 25 August 2005 08:17 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Laughing Laughing that last one is great Very Happy

thought it was going somewhere Razz
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paulst162
Regular


Location:
hunter
Registered:
April 2005
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Fri, 26 August 2005 10:21 Go to previous messageGo to next message
how many fags does it take to screw in a light bulb????
two
the question is howd they get in there Rolling Eyes
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roids70
Regular


Location:
Tasmania, Evandale
Registered:
April 2005
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Sat, 27 August 2005 23:28 Go to previous messageGo to next message
theres a guy with no arms or legs sitting on the beach, while the tides out
three lovly young women walk past, they see the man with no arms or legs
the first lady ask's the man have u ever been kissed befor, the man reply's no
so the young lady fealing sorry for the man gave the man kiss
the second lady comes along and ask's the man have u ever been hugged
the man reply's no the so the young lady fealing sorry for the man gives him a hug,
the third, lady comes along and askes, have u ever bin F*@ked befor, the man replys no
the lady responds with, well u will be when the tide comes in. Laughing


Sorry if i offend anyone

Cheers Sean

[Updated on: Sat, 27 August 2005 23:30]

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Paranoid Android
Regular


Location:
Sydney NSW
Registered:
August 2005
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Sun, 28 August 2005 02:05 Go to previous messageGo to next message
A man standing in line at a check-out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when an attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!"
Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who-are-you?" look and couldn't remember ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized.
"Look," she said, "I'm really sorry, but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out of the store.
The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, what the heck is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children! Then he got a little panicky. I don't remember her, he thought, but, MAYBE... during one of the wild parties I went to when I was in college... perhaps I DID father her child! He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in college, and then we got really drunk and had wild crazy sex on the pool table in front of everyone?"
"No!" the woman said, with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's second-grade teacher."
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forced_induction
Regular


Location:
Canberra
Registered:
August 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Sun, 28 August 2005 10:31 Go to previous messageGo to next message
well so far jokes have been pretty funny. but there is one thing i think we know this thread is all missing: A big serving of lame.......

What do you do if you see a spaceman?
Park your car in it, man.

When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway

What did batman say to robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car

How do you organise a space party?
You planet

How do start a book on ducks?
With an introduction

Why cant lepers play poker?
They can only throw their hands in once

What did the cannibal do after dumpinghis girlfriend?
Wiped his ass

A cannibal passed his brother in the woods

Knock knock
Whos there?
Little boy blue
Little boy blue who?
Michael Jackson

Cheers.....i think
Tom
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RCNIZE
Regular


Location:
Sydney
Registered:
February 2005
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Sun, 28 August 2005 11:40 Go to previous messageGo to next message
powerpoint presentation to nvncbl@iinet.net.au
Thanks
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Paranoid Android
Regular


Location:
Sydney NSW
Registered:
August 2005
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Sun, 28 August 2005 15:41 Go to previous messageGo to next message
i love this one

While I was driving down the M5 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have) I passed under a bridge only to see a copper the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The copper pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising smirk, asked:
"Runway too short?"
To which I replied, "I'm late for work".
To which he asked, "What do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher", I responded.
The copper was surprised and confused "A what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well" I said, " I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I get my other hand in, and then I slowly start to stretch the hole, until it's about six feet."
Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six foot asshole?"
To which I politely replied," You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge....."

Speeding ticket: $105.00

Court costs: $45

Look on copper's face: Priceless
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RobertoX
Regular


Location:
Adelaide
Registered:
May 2002
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Sun, 28 August 2005 22:35 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Paranoid Android wrote on Mon, 29 August 2005 01:41


Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six foot asshole?"
To which I politely replied," You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge....."

Speeding ticket: $105.00

Court costs: $45

Look on copper's face: Priceless




Laughing fucking gold!!
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roids70
Regular


Location:
Tasmania, Evandale
Registered:
April 2005
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 30 August 2005 01:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Paranoid Android wrote on Mon, 29 August 2005 01:41


Speeding ticket: $105.00

Court costs: $45

Look on copper's face: Priceless



u Fuckin Ripper, wot a bute one

Cheers Sean
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Corona RT142
Forums Junkie


Location:
Campbelltown
Registered:
November 2003
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 30 August 2005 02:04 Go to previous messageGo to previous message
heard that joke a few times but most give a slightly longer version and it's english based freeways its still hell funny. My sister got a similar one about a Rabbi and the tax department i'll see if she still has it and i'll post it Razz
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