Toymods Car Club
www.toymods.org.au
F.A.Q. F.A.Q.    Register Register    Login Login    Home Home
Members Members    Search Search
Toymods » The Outhouse » Girls Night Out (funnys thread)

Show: Today's Posts  :: Show Polls 
Email to friend 
Switch to threaded view of this topic Create a new topic Submit Reply
AuthorTopic
mynameisrodney
Forums Junkie


Location:
Kellyville, Sydney
Registered:
June 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 30 August 2005 02:07 Go to previous messageGo to next message
man walks into a bar
man: 5 shots of scotch thanks.
bartender: Whats the occasions?
man: I Just had my first blowjob.
bartender: Oh, so you're celebrating.
man: Nah, just trying to get the fucking taste out of my mouth.
  Send a private message to this user    
roids70
Regular


Location:
Tasmania, Evandale
Registered:
April 2005
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 30 August 2005 02:14 Go to previous messageGo to next message
i got a few lame ones, that i just gotta put in,

Y did the plane crash?
cause the pilot was loaf of bread!!

Y did fred fall off his bike?
cause bill threw a fridge at him!
Ydid bill fall off his bike?
Cause Fred threw it back!

y did the koala fall out of the tree?
cause fred threw a fridge at it!
Ydid the 2nd koala fall out of the tree?
Cause it was stapled top the first!
Y did th third Koala Fall out of the tree?
Cause it fuckin felt like it!!

they dont normaly get a luagh when ur sober but when ur starting to get drunk i always get a laugh!!

Cheers Sean

[Updated on: Tue, 30 August 2005 02:19]

  Send a private message to this user    
Squid
Forums Junkie


Location:
Canberra
Registered:
August 2003
 
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 30 August 2005 04:10 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Whats blue and yellow and lies at the bottom of the pool?
Baby with it's floaties slashed.

Whats green and yellow and lies at the bottom of the pool?
same baby 3 months later.

Whats red and yellow and floats on top of the pool?
Floaties with its baby slashed.

what is yellow and lies at the bottom of the pool?
a bulldozer.

2 fish in a tank, one said to the other how the hell do we drive this thing?

5 women walk into a bar, you would have thought at least one would have ducked.

A horse walks into the bar, barman says why the long face?

A seal walks into a club.

Why couldn't the cat drink it's milk?
Cos its head was stapled to the ceiling.

What do you call a fly with no legs?
A walk

Why did the fourth koala fall out of the tree?
Got hit by the first one.

Why did the wombat die?
got hit by all the falling koala's.

Why did the rabbit die?
miximatosis (spelling?)
  Send a private message to this user    
mynameisrodney
Forums Junkie


Location:
Kellyville, Sydney
Registered:
June 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 30 August 2005 04:51 Go to previous messageGo to next message
whats the best thing about being a siamese twin?
you've got someone to make out with while you beat off.
  Send a private message to this user    
Corona RT142
Forums Junkie


Location:
Campbelltown
Registered:
November 2003
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 30 August 2005 04:54 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Whats the difference between a dead baby and sand?
You can't pick the sand up with a pitch fork.

Dead baby jokes are sick but anyway Razz
  Send a private message to this user    
cycleofabuse
Regular


Location:
Newcastle
Registered:
June 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 30 August 2005 07:05 Go to previous messageGo to next message
mynameisrodney wrote on Tue, 30 August 2005 14:51

whats the best thing about being a siamese twin?
you've got someone to make out with while you beat off.


HAHAHA, That's terrible!!!
  Send a private message to this user    
mz21_shiznac
Regular


Location:
Bunbury, W.A.
Registered:
January 2005
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 30 August 2005 11:02 Go to previous messageGo to next message
What's brown and sticky?
A stick

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot

What's big, yeallow and can't swim?
A bulldozer

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and
asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."
  Send a private message to this user    
forced_induction
Regular


Location:
Canberra
Registered:
August 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 31 August 2005 12:11 Go to previous messageGo to next message
well if were doing dead baby jokes, i better have my say....

Why couldnt the baby walk through the door?
Because it had a javelin through its head

How do you get ten babies in a bucket?
With a blender

Whats better than ten babies in one bucket?
One baby in ten buckets

Whats wrong with screwing twentyone year olds?
Theres twenty of them

This one is my personal fave, and deeply disturbed me the first time i heard it (and stil somewhat does....)

Whats the problems with screwing one year olds?
The pelvis cracking and cleaning the blood off your clown suit...

ok now to change the subject.....

A preist and a rabbi are walking down the street when they come across a young boy.
PREIST: Wanna screw him?
RABBI: Out of what?

Whats the difference between a priest and acne?
Acne comes on a boys face after age 13...

If you want me to remove anything say so.....
  Send a private message to this user    
Corona RT142
Forums Junkie


Location:
Campbelltown
Registered:
November 2003
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 31 August 2005 12:38 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Whats the difference between and deady baby and a pile of sand?
You can't pick up the sand with a pitch fork.

Its very wrong but what the heck I do not endorse or encourage an activities describe in this joke

[Updated on: Wed, 31 August 2005 12:38]

  Send a private message to this user    
mynameisrodney
Forums Junkie


Location:
Kellyville, Sydney
Registered:
June 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 31 August 2005 12:41 Go to previous messageGo to next message
^^ Laughing
whats the difference between 10 dead babies and a mustang?
i dont have a mustang in my garage.

how many babies does it take to tile a roof?
depends how thin you slice them.

what do you call a bike thats covered in blood?
a menstrual cycle.

why do women get periods?
because they deserve them.

why is a woman like a slinky?
they are both pretty much useless, but its still fun to push them down the stairs.

  Send a private message to this user    
Jorrs
Forums Junkie


Location:
Coffs Harbour
Registered:
October 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 31 August 2005 14:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
For his birthday, Little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it.

The next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?

Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you tell mum you were pulling out.

Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no f...ing bike!


  Send a private message to this user    
Jorrs
Forums Junkie


Location:
Coffs Harbour
Registered:
October 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 31 August 2005 14:57 Go to previous messageGo to next message
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help
>>me.
>> >I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it
>> >started."
>> >
>> >Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
>> >
>> >The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a
>>rooster."
>> >
>> >Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
>> >She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
>>the
>> >table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then
>>
>> >turns to her and says,
>> >"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
>>assemble
>> >these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
>> >He takes her hand and says,
>> >"Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and
>>then....."
>> >he sighed, "...let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."
  Send a private message to this user    
Jorrs
Forums Junkie


Location:
Coffs Harbour
Registered:
October 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 31 August 2005 14:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
>>
>>They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
>>His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
>>
>>"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
>>
>>When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and
>>brings
>>over a Budweiser.
>>
>>His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know
>>that you drink Budweiser?"
>>
>>"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
>>
>>A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave,
>>and
>>says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
>>
>>Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
>>
>>Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the
>>door,
>>he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper
>>must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of
>>it.
>>She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in
>>the book.
>>
>>The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch
>>tonight, Dave."
>>
>>Boom, boom....
>>
  Send a private message to this user    
PMP020
Forums Junkie


Location:
Adelaide
Registered:
January 2005
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Sat, 03 September 2005 11:59 Go to previous messageGo to next message
hahhaa holy fuck ive just been crying from larfter for the past 45mins.

awesum stuff

cheers scott
  Send a private message to this user    
corona crew
Regular


Registered:
July 2005
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Sun, 04 September 2005 05:43 Go to previous messageGo to next message
First-grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at recess?"

Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."

Teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."

She does and gets a cookie. Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.

Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."

Teacher says, "Good. If you write 'box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."

Morris does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.

He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."

Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give you a cookie."
  Send a private message to this user    
mk27m
Regular


Location:
Adelaide
Registered:
November 2003
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Sun, 04 September 2005 09:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
MOD EDIT: this was not cool. No No No

[Updated on: Sun, 04 September 2005 13:08] by Moderator

  Send a private message to this user    
Jorrs
Forums Junkie


Location:
Coffs Harbour
Registered:
October 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Sun, 04 September 2005 11:07 Go to previous messageGo to next message
mk27m wrote on Sun, 04 September 2005 19:58

uncool post removed

hahha awwwwwwwwwwww no my threads hit the gutter

[Updated on: Sun, 04 September 2005 13:12] by Moderator

  Send a private message to this user    
mynameisrodney
Forums Junkie


Location:
Kellyville, Sydney
Registered:
June 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Sun, 04 September 2005 12:11 Go to previous messageGo to next message
mk27m wrote on Sun, 04 September 2005 19:58

this post was removed.

that win the award for the most foul joke i have ever heard. well done. Laughing

[Updated on: Sun, 04 September 2005 13:17] by Moderator

  Send a private message to this user    
Jorrs
Forums Junkie


Location:
Coffs Harbour
Registered:
October 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Sun, 04 September 2005 12:41 Go to previous messageGo to next message
mmmmmmmmm wats the 13th oyster ?
  Send a private message to this user    
Paranoid Android
Regular


Location:
Sydney NSW
Registered:
August 2005
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Sun, 04 September 2005 12:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
GM
General Maintenance
Great Mistake
Garbage Motors
Generally Miserable
Grossly Misconceived
Gluteus Maximus

GMC
Garage Man's Companion
Gotta Mechanic Coming?
Generally Mediocre Cars
Get More Chicks
Gets Mechanics Crazy
Gods Mechanical Curse
Got More Crap
Great Mountain Climber
Great Motor Car

GTO
Gas, Tires, Oil

HONDA
Had One Never Did Again
Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
Hallmark Of Non-Descript Automobiles
Hallmark Of Non-Destructable Automobiles
HYUNDAI Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...

JEEP
Just Eats Every Part
Junk Engineering Executed Poorly
Just Empty Every Pocket

MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

MG
Money Guzzler

MGB
Might Go Backwards

MGF
Might Go Forward

MIATA
My Intention Always To Accelerate

MOPAR
Many Odd Parts Arranged Randomly
Miscellaneous Oddball Parts Assembled Ridiculously
Most Often Passed At Races
Mostly Old Parts And Rust
Move Over People Are Racing
Move Over Plymouth Approaching Rapidly
My Old Pig Ain't Running
My Only Problems Are Repairs

MUSTANG
Motor Under Strain, Transmission Almost No Good

OLDSMOBILE
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment
old ladies driving slowly making other behind insanely late everyday

PINTO
Put In Nickel To Operate
Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook

PLYMOUTH
Please Leave Your Money Out Under The Hood

PORSCHE
Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything

SAAB
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Sad Attempt At Beauty
Sorry Auto, Always Broken
Shape Appears Ass-Backwards

SUBARU
Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
Torturous On Your Old Tired Ass
The One You Ought To Avoid

TRIUMPH
This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help!
Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt!

VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW
Virtually Worthless

Very Happy Very Happy
  Send a private message to this user    
corona crew
Regular


Registered:
July 2005
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Mon, 05 September 2005 06:48 Go to previous messageGo to next message
yeha sorry guys i was meant to put up i hopoe this doesnt offend anyone cos its jsut a little fun apologiess for anyone who was offended

cheers dino
  Send a private message to this user    
smt_007
Forums Junkie


Location:
Sydney
Registered:
September 2003
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Mon, 05 September 2005 12:37 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
  Send a private message to this user    
bigg willie style
Forums Junkie


Location:
melbourne
Registered:
October 2003
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Mon, 05 September 2005 13:25 Go to previous messageGo to next message
can someone pm me the dirty joke? i didnt see it before it was moderated.
  Send a private message to this user    
EldarO
Forums Junkie


Location:
Perth, WA
Registered:
December 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Mon, 05 September 2005 13:43 Go to previous messageGo to next message
yeah, what he said ^

damn quick moderators Razz

Eldar.O.
  Send a private message to this user    
Squid
Forums Junkie


Location:
Canberra
Registered:
August 2003
 
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 06 September 2005 02:32 Go to previous messageGo to next message
forced_induction wrote on Wed, 31 August 2005 22:11


Whats the problems with screwing one year olds?
The pelvis cracking and cleaning the blood off your clown suit...



I would like to know what crossed the line if this didn't??
  Send a private message to this user    
smt_007
Forums Junkie


Location:
Sydney
Registered:
September 2003
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 06 September 2005 02:46 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Squid wrote on Tue, 06 September 2005 12:32

forced_induction wrote on Wed, 31 August 2005 22:11


Whats the problems with screwing one year olds?
The pelvis cracking and cleaning the blood off your clown suit...



I would like to know what crossed the line if this didn't??



That is beyond sick Confused.
  Send a private message to this user    
Evan
Forums Junkie


Location:
Newcastle
Registered:
June 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 06 September 2005 03:43 Go to previous messageGo to next message
mynameisrodney wrote on Tue, 30 August 2005 14:51

whats the best thing about being a siamese twin?
you've got someone to make out with while you beat off.

LOL! Laughing
  Send a private message to this user    
peewee
Forums Junkie


Location:
adelaide
Registered:
April 2003
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Tue, 06 September 2005 13:26 Go to previous messageGo to next message
what colour does a baby turn in the microwave??


i dunno i was too busy masturbating
  Send a private message to this user    
forced_induction
Regular


Location:
Canberra
Registered:
August 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 07 September 2005 02:36 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing ^^^^^^
What is the dirty one i missed out on? anyone wanna pm me it?
Thanks bitches
  Send a private message to this user    
mk27m
Regular


Location:
Adelaide
Registered:
November 2003
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Thu, 08 September 2005 09:25 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Hmmm.... "You have 1 private message" ....i wonder what this's about??

"mk27m,

your joke that you posted in the outhouse was waaay across the line of NOT COOL.

This is a prewarning - next time you step over the line you will be placed on probation. Please dont post up overly graphic or disgusting things like that, nor porn, nor policital arguments, nor religious arguments etc etc.

Thanks mate,

Karl W."

So do i win a prize or something? Very Happy

Drew.

PS: The 13th oyster is just an oyster... what you wanna ask yourself is how did it get to be there.....


[Updated on: Thu, 08 September 2005 09:34]

  Send a private message to this user    
Dr_Love
Regular


Location:
Brisbane
Registered:
January 2005
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Fri, 09 September 2005 00:15 Go to previous messageGo to next message
2 redneck are just married and on the wedding night the redneck wife says to the redneck husband "please be gentle its my first time". The redneck husband jumps up and races to the phone to call home. "Dad," he says, "She says its her first time."
To which the father replies "Come home son. If she's not good enough for her family, she's not good enough for ours"
Smile



A sailor gets married to a young girl, and before the wedding night the father says to the daughter 'you be careful, darling. these sailors are a funny bunch. NEVER agree to have sex with him "the other way"'. Anyways theyve been married a while and the girl still doesnt know what her father meant but she cant stop thinking about it. So she asks her husband 'Can we have sex "the other way"?'. He replies "What? And risk pregnancy?"

Hehe.

Whats the hardest part about having sex with a chick that has no pubes?
Putting her nappy back on.
  Send a private message to this user    
Ribfeast
Forums Junkie


Location:
Newcastle, Australia
Registered:
March 2005
     
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Fri, 09 September 2005 03:05 Go to previous messageGo to next message
LOL that last one is wrong!!

Don't fart in bed
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for
years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of
farting loudlyevery morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes
water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off
because it was making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he
would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey
for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl
where shehad put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the
spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound
asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the
elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts
into hisshorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual
trumpeting whichwas followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic
footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes!After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty
good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have
warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting
my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of
God, someVaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
  Send a private message to this user    
WantaTurbo
Forums Junkie


Location:
Newcastle
Registered:
June 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 14 September 2005 23:31 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Got this one in a work email:

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"; The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little scared." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze". The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A Circumcision." And the second kid says, "Whoa, Good luck buddy, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year"

[Updated on: Wed, 14 September 2005 23:33]

  Send a private message to this user    
WantaTurbo
Forums Junkie


Location:
Newcastle
Registered:
June 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 14 September 2005 23:37 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Another one Smile

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she

selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
2 lb. can of coffee,
And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, " 'Cause you're ugly "
  Send a private message to this user    
WantaTurbo
Forums Junkie


Location:
Newcastle
Registered:
June 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 14 September 2005 23:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
And one more Very Happy

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y43/wantaturbo/bigday1.jpg
  Send a private message to this user    
mynameisrodney
Forums Junkie


Location:
Kellyville, Sydney
Registered:
June 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 14 September 2005 23:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
^^^HAAAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAAHAH
thats awesome
  Send a private message to this user    
MarioM
Regular


Location:
Melbourne
Registered:
January 2005
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 14 September 2005 23:48 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Laughing Laughing
thats ace
  Send a private message to this user    
WantaTurbo
Forums Junkie


Location:
Newcastle
Registered:
June 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 14 September 2005 23:52 Go to previous messageGo to next message
The old fella's face who gets the tie is priceless, he is wishin he got a HJ instead Laughing
  Send a private message to this user    
Corona RT142
Forums Junkie


Location:
Campbelltown
Registered:
November 2003
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Wed, 14 September 2005 23:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
How do you know your at a gay barbeque?

the sausages taste like shit.

What goes around and round and taps on windows?

a baby in a microwave.

Whats worse than paper breasts?

cardboard box.


  Send a private message to this user    
72PASSEDU
Regular


Registered:
December 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Thu, 15 September 2005 00:14 Go to previous messageGo to next message
The Beer Prayer

Our Lager
Which art in Barrels
Hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk
( I will be drunk )
At home as I'am in the Tavern
Give us this day our our foamy head
And forgive us our spillages
As we forgive those who will spill against us
And lead us not into incarceration
But deliver us from hangovers
For thine is the beer
The bitter and the lager
Forever and ever Barmen.
  Send a private message to this user    
72PASSEDU
Regular


Registered:
December 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Thu, 15 September 2005 00:35 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Why is it that?

A woman has the last word in any arguement.
And anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new arguement.

Why is it that?

A woman worries about the future until she gets married.
And a man worries about the future when he gets married.

Why is it that?

A successful man is one who makes more money then his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Why is it that?

A woman marries a man exspecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman exspecting she won't change, and she does.
  Send a private message to this user    
cjg_6
Occasional Poster


Location:
Sydney
Registered:
July 2005
    -
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Fri, 16 September 2005 14:00 Go to previous messageGo to next message
lame but meh...true story....
Razz
this guy's at a train station and he has a bike
he goes to pay for his ticket and says one way adult thanks..
and as he says this a really really overweight woman buys her ticket at a seperate window. as the man with the bike is purchasing his ticket the man serving him asks if tat is his
bike? and the man says yeh it is.... the ticket operator says
well you have to buy a ticket for those....the man replies how much will this cost?? the man serving says the same as an adult ticket.... this guy with the bike went off the richter!!!
i'm not paying F%#@ing extra blah blah ...the operator explains that if you are taking up that much extra space you must purchase an extra ticket.... so this guy still angry Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad says well what about her and points to the overly overweight woman and says i dont see any one making her pay extra...which was funny cos the operator got shut down..but a tad slack
  Send a private message to this user    
muaythaiman
Regular


Location:
Sydney
Registered:
August 2004
Re: Girls Night Out (funnys thread) Fri, 16 September 2005 23:47 Go to previous message

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published
by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges
were actually taking place.

Emjoy............

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one year old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one..
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law.
  Send a private message to this user    
Pages (2): [ «  <  1  2]   Switch to threaded view of this topic Create a new topic Submit Reply
Previous Topic:net browser and flash drives
Next Topic:what does it take to get forum junkie staus
Goto Forum:
-=] Back to Top [=-

Current Time: Sun Sep 20 06:56:38 UTC 2020

Total time taken to generate the page: 0.012593030929565 seconds

Bandwidth utilization bar

.:: Contact :: Home ::.

Powered by: FUDforum 2.3.8
Copyright ©2001-2003 Advanced Internet Designs Inc.