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Location:
Melbourne
Registered:
June 2004
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Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 03:35
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An expecting Father is waiting nervously in the Hospital, when the Doctor emerges . . . . .
Doc: "Mr. Johnson - it's a boy! However I have some good and bad news for you.. . . "
Mr. Johnson: "Oh no.. well, hit Me with the bad news first Doc."
Doc: "Well the bad news is that your son was born a redhead. The good news is, It's DEAD ! " 
All votes & comments welcome.... . . .
[Updated on: Wed, 28 September 2005 03:41]
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Location:
melbourne
Registered:
February 2005
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 03:42
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whats better than 10 dead babies stapled 2 1 tree?
1 baby being stapled to 10 trees. 
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I supported Toymods
Location:
Adelaide
Registered:
July 2004
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 03:43
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meh
if funny i laugh
so what if im going to hell becuase of it...
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Location:
Campbelltown
Registered:
November 2003
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 03:46
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Why didn't the baby walk thru the doorway....
cos it had a Javelin thru its head
Whats the difference between a dead baby and a pile of sand.....
You can't pick sand up with a pitch fork
Theres soo many of them, they are wrong but you have to laugh.
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Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 04:22
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| Quote: |
Whats the difference between a dead baby and a pile of sand.....
You can't pick sand up with a pitch fork
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errrm well actually you can pick up sand with a pitch fork, just the amount you pick up with each scoop is very small. My uncle in Adelaide once emptied a sand pit with a pitch fork because he couldn't find his shovel, it took hom 3 weeks. But that was no where near as good as the article in PitchFork Magazine which had an article about a German pitchfork that had wider forks and could not only pitch but also shovel, it weighed 4.56kg which in my opinion is far to heavy for pitchforking. I think the best garden tool is the pack'n'rammer for obvious reasons.
How do YOU like it Rona 
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Location:
Campbelltown
Registered:
November 2003
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 04:30
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Mildly amusing, but there is a big difference ie alligator-crocodile was true.
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Location:
Adelaide, SA
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 04:32
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I think dead baby jokes are crap. Maybe my view is skewed because we have a little baby and when they are born for the first few weeks you are scared shitless about SIDS and keep waking up just to listen to them breathing.
That aside, repetitve jokes like this are the lowest form of comedy. It's just a sadder, sicker version of the elephant jokes series.
ke382tg is piss funny however.
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I supported Toymods
Location:
Adelaide
Registered:
July 2004
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 05:37
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| lumpy wrote on Wed, 28 September 2005 14:02 |
ke382tg is piss funny however.
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agreed
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Location:
Tasmania
Registered:
April 2003
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 05:50
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Hi,
My cousin buried her baby today. The baby had to be induced as it had died in her womb.
Today dead baby jokes are not very funny 
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Location:
Melbourne
Registered:
June 2004
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 06:03
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Oh man, that's just plain fucked. 
Sorry to hear.
Like someone walking into a room full of dejected looking people, asking comedically "Gees - Who died!?!" - and someone replying "My Father, actually."
Cue long, VERY awkward silence . . . .
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Location:
1st street on the right
Registered:
November 2002
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 06:19
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Why do babies have soft spots in their heads?
So you can pick up 5 at a time.
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Location:
Campbelltown
Registered:
November 2003
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 06:36
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| clubagreenie wrote on Wed, 28 September 2005 16:19 |
Why do babies have soft spots in their heads?
So you can pick up 5 at a time.
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But you have two hands  , thats the worst one i have heard yet and in bad taste after the above post.
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Location:
Melbourne
Registered:
June 2004
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 06:43
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| Corona RT142 wrote on Wed, 28 September 2005 16:36 |
| clubagreenie wrote on Wed, 28 September 2005 16:19 |
Why do babies have soft spots in their heads?
So you can pick up 5 at a time.
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But you have two hands , thats the worst one i have heard yet and in bad taste after the above post.
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Umm . . . It's all in bad taste dude, it's just thrown into High definition sharp-focus by moo4AGZETA22's post.
That shizz be a thread-killa, yo.
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Location:
Northmead
Registered:
December 2003
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 07:44
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dead baby jokes are crap. Maybe my view is skewed because we have a little baby and when they are born for the first few weeks you are scared shitless about SIDS and keep waking up just to listen to them breathing.
Sorry to give you the bad news, but Kids can die from S.I.D.S. up to the age of 2 years. I know that for a fact, i work in the morgue have have seen more than my fair share of S.I.D.S. deaths, and one Never gets over it.
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Location:
Tasmania
Registered:
April 2003
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 12:34
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Hi,
I didn't mean to kill the thread, but it was all bad timing on the thread starting I suppose.
The other shit thing about today is it was four weeks ago to the day that I attended a funeral for my best friends brother (also a good friend of mine in his own right). He was only 30. Motorbikes and armco don't mix......
R.I.P. Glynn
Cheers
Sorry, didn't mean to be such a downer.
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Location:
Perth Western Australia
Registered:
April 2004
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 12:35
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Whats Pink and red and sits in the corner getting smaller and smaller ??
A Baby combing its hair with a potato peeler!
How do you make a Baby drink ???
Put it in a blender !!
Whats small , black and is bagging on a window ??
A baby in a microwave !!!!!!!!!!
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I supported Toymods
Location:
Perth
Registered:
October 2003
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Location:
Perth Western Australia
Registered:
April 2004
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 12:41
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IM OFFENDED !!!!!!!!!!!
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
January 2005
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 12:47
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this thread is pure filth. its pure evil talking bout dead babys. how harsh can ya get
i tried to tell my mum a few of them. she cracked it at me LOL
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Location:
Perth Western Australia
Registered:
April 2004
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 12:53
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how do you stop a spinning baby on a washing line ????
With a cricket bat
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Location:
Melbourne
Registered:
October 2003
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 12:56
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Heres my Best joke:
The Doctor walks up to a couple at the hospital eagerly awaiting their new born baby, The doctor has an upsetting face on, he approaches the couple and tells them that their child is a Still born..
Funny ai? Well imagine if that happened to u,
I'd be a bit careful of certain jokes coz yeah u don't know whos readin em...
There are funny Jokes, and then there are jokes that have been done so much that they end up going for somethin as weak as making fun of a Dead Baby, Why not make fun of a Dead Adult or your best friend who passed away recently...
Sorry but thats my 2 cents,
Lame or not any joke about a Dead baby is takin it a tad bit too far, most would agree!
[Updated on: Wed, 28 September 2005 12:56]
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
January 2005
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 13:05
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yeh. im not a fan of these dead baby jokes. but no matter wat kinda jokes u make tageting a specific group ur always gonna have sum1 that takes offence cause theres always sum1 who wants to take offence...
im arab and im always up for a good arab joke. given that its not directed at me. to insult me... if u know wat i mean.
and i love em too,
i got one for ya's.
arab, asain and a black in a car. whos driving?
police officer
wat do u say to a lebo wearing a suit?
may the defendant plz rise...
why cant lebo's play soccer?
cause every time u give em a corner they put a shop on it.
love em.
anyone got any new ones? but best jokes are going to be BLONDE ones ahahahahah love em.
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Location:
Adelaide, SA
Registered:
November 2004
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 13:20
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To all of you who are offended, in the title is clearly states 'DEAD BABY JOKES' so if you dont like them why enter????
Its like walking into a porn shop if you get offended by naked people.
Different things amuse different people.
my 2 cents
Laters
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I supported Toymods
Location:
Adelaide
Registered:
July 2004
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 13:31
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and...counting down to thread lock...5...4...3...2...
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Location:
1st street on the right
Registered:
November 2002
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 13:35
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| clubagreenie wrote on Wed, 28 September 2005 16:19 |
Why do babies have soft spots in their heads?
So you can pick up 5 at a time.
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Hey I wrote it and I have 3 of my own incl 1yo twins.
Don't like it don't read it. Of course it can happen. To them, you, anyone. FFS enjoy it while it's there because as you are worried about it could be over at any time. And that includes laughing at dead baby jokes.
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I supported Toymods
Location:
Epping, Sydney
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 13:38
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| ke20_rolla wrote on Wed, 28 September 2005 23:20 |
To all of you who are offended, in the title is clearly states 'DEAD BABY JOKES' so if you dont like them why enter????
Its like walking into a porn shop if you get offended by naked people.
Different things amuse different people.
my 2 cents
Laters
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I absolutely agree. the thread is titled dead baby jokes. there are going to be dead baby jokes inside. if you dont like it, don't read! I know a number of people who have miscarried late term/stillborn, but I can separate than from a joke (much like most jokes).
Q: what's blue and yellow and sits at the bottom of a pool?
A: A baby with slashed floaties.
Q: what's red and yellow and floats on top of a pool?
A: floaties with slashed baby
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Location:
1st street on the right
Registered:
November 2002
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 13:44
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How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.
What has 4 legs and one arm?
A Doberman in a children's playground!
What's sicker than driving over a baby?
Drifting over it.
What's bright blue, pink, and sizzles?
A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.
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Location:
Adelaide, SA
Registered:
November 2004
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Wed, 28 September 2005 13:49
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Cheers for the back up draven. My cousin recently had a miscarage but i dont come in the thread and start shitting on every one else's sence of humour. Deal with it or dont read it.
Whats the difference between a sprinter and a pile of dead babies???
I dont have a sprinter in my garage.
Laters
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Location:
Melbourne
Registered:
June 2004
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Thu, 29 September 2005 00:14
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I saw a few D.B.J's in the "Chick's night out" thread, and since they weren't moderated or shouted down, I thought I'd gauge the general perception of them. Thing is, I've retold a few recently, and the reception varies between side-splitting, uncontrollable laughter, to a cold, icy glare. . . .
And Yup - Thread titles don't come much clearer than this one! ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
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Location:
Campbelltown
Registered:
November 2003
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Thu, 29 September 2005 00:18
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| st184 sillycar wrote on Thu, 29 September 2005 10:14 |
I saw a few D.B.J's in the "Chick's night out" thread, and since they weren't moderated or shouted down, I thought I'd gauge the general perception of them. Thing is, I've retold a few recently, and the reception varies between side-splitting, uncontrollable laughter, to a cold, icy glare. . . .
And Yup - Thread titles don't come much clearer than this one! ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
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Tis true had a party a couple weeks back and some of my sisters male friends were pissing themselves laughing at dead baby jokes, try and say one to my mum however and she goes off.
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Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Thu, 29 September 2005 00:23
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| Quote: |
Thing is, I've retold a few recently, and the reception varies between side-splitting, uncontrollable laughter, to a cold, icy glare. . . .
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If you want an icy cold glare tell this one when the listeners are mostly females:
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing! She's already been told twice.
Wrong I know 
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Location:
Campbelltown
Registered:
November 2003
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Thu, 29 September 2005 00:30
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Theres plenty of variations on those ones as well , and yes very similar split reactions (wonder why that is)
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Location:
Kellyville, Sydney
Registered:
June 2004
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Thu, 29 September 2005 00:46
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why is a woman like a slinky?
they are both pretty much useless...
but its still fun to push them down the stairs
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Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Thu, 29 September 2005 00:47
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Here one that won't offend:
What's the difference between sticking your schlong in a microwave and up some dudes clacker?
The microwave won't brown your meat!
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Location:
Adelaide, SA
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Thu, 29 September 2005 00:54
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| andrij wrote on Wed, 28 September 2005 17:14 |
Sorry to give you the bad news, but Kids can die from S.I.D.S. up to the age of 2 years. I know that for a fact, i work in the morgue have have seen more than my fair share of S.I.D.S. deaths, and one Never gets over it.
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I know they can die up till age 2, but after a while you get used to them and stop listening all the time. Still, the first time they roll over in the cot and you see them face down in the morning it scares the shit out of you. The little fella used to love sleeping on his tummy as soon as he could, and it made for a few deep breaths every time.
As for everyone else, the thread title clearly asks for your opinion on dead baby jokes so it's natural that those who think they're shit will want to express that opinion as well. It's not so much for the content, the whole style of those jokes IMHO is pissweak.
DAAS = good black comedy
Dead baby jokes = unfunny black comedy.
clubagreenie - 1 yr old twins!! You must be having fun with them!
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
January 2005
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Thu, 29 September 2005 00:58
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i got a great woman joke. makes men feel great about them selves too i love telling this one to women
three blondes are stranded on a beach and are walking around the sand, untill ones kicks over a genie bottle and a genie pops out.
the genie tells them, you have three wishes, thats one each.
so the first blonde thinks long and hard and quickly says, i wish i was smart enough to get off this island. so the genei clicks his fingers, the blonde turns into a red head and dives into the water and starts swimming.
the second blonde thought about it, and says i wish i was smarter than the first blonde and get off this island, the genie clicks his fingers and turns her into a brunette. immediately the brunette goes to the midddle of the island and starts to build a raft from the trees in the middle and row away from the island.
the last blonde thought long and hard, and wen it came to her she jumped up and said, i wish i was smarter than all of the others and i could get the best way off this island. the genie clicks his fingers, the woman turns into a man and walks across the bridge.
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Location:
Campbelltown
Registered:
November 2003
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Thu, 29 September 2005 01:06
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That is pure gold
After having great sex, the woman lies there stroking the mans penis. "you want to go again?" he asks.
"No" she replies, "I'm just admiring your cock, I really miss mine".
A guy comes home with a duck under his arm and says "this is the pig I've been shagging". His wife then replies "thats a duck, not a pig" to which he says "I was talking to the duck".
Q: how many babies duz it take 2 paint a wall??
A: depends how hard u throw them
Q. Why are Michael Jackson and shopping bags alike?
A. Because they are both made of plastic and harmful to small children.
Q. What did the lady say to Michael Jackson when he went to the beach?
A. Excuse me sir, but you seem to be in my son.
Q. How do you know that it's bed time at Michael Jacksons house?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand.
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Location:
Campbelltown
Registered:
November 2003
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Thu, 29 September 2005 01:11
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Q: What ends with U-N-T and smells fishy?
A: Rex Hunt
What is the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?
The washing machine doesnt follow you round for 2 weeks after you dump a load in it
why did the woman cross the road ?
na dont worry bout that WHAT the f**k was she doing out of the kitchen
why do women fake orgasems ?
because they think we give ashit
who's fault is it if a man on a motorcyle hits a woman?
the man's. he shouldnt have been riding it in the kitchen.
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Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Thu, 29 September 2005 01:11
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I think we can all agree that jokes aimed at Rona are the best and cause harm to no one except Rona
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Location:
Sydney
Registered:
January 2005
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Thu, 29 September 2005 01:44
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| ke382TG wrote on Thu, 29 September 2005 11:11 |
I think we can all agree that jokes aimed at Rona are the best and cause harm to no one except Rona
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ROFL
wats the difference between micheal jackson and puberty?
puberty doesnt come on ur face till at least 13..
ahaha
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Location:
Tasmania
Registered:
April 2003
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Thu, 29 September 2005 02:03
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Hi,
I'm not offended by this thread. I'm assuming some of the responses are aimed in my direction.
The thread was just bad timing.
Also the thread CLEARLY asked for an opinion on dead baby jokes. It has a poll attached..... I gave mine, as the thread asked.
I'm NOT offended. Keep telling them.
Cheers 
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I supported Toymods
Location:
Epping, Sydney
Registered:
May 2002
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Thu, 29 September 2005 02:15
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| Smokey228 wrote on Thu, 29 September 2005 11:44 |
whats the difference between michael jackson and acne?
Acne doesnt come on ur face till puberty.
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fixed
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Location:
1st street on the right
Registered:
November 2002
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Thu, 29 September 2005 06:52
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Laying face down isn't as freaky as when one decides to leg it over the wall of the cot and lands face down on the timber. You still laugh though like when you see someone else fall down in the street (I know I'm not aone there).
Twins actually = easier than the 1st one. but she has issues. BTW theres now 4 women in da house.
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Location:
Melbourne
Registered:
May 2005
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Thu, 29 September 2005 08:42
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Hope this one doesn't get the thread locked. Just heard it today.
Q: What colour does a baby turn in the microwave?
A: Dunno I was to busy masterbating.
Sorry.
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Location:
The Shire
Registered:
May 2005
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Thu, 29 September 2005 15:15
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| Turdinator AKA Michael Jackson wrote on Thu, 29 September 2005 18:42 |
Hope this one doesn't get the thread locked. Just heard it today.
Q: What colour does a baby turn in the microwave?
A: Dunno I was to busy masterbating.
Sorry.
Come visit me at Neverland.
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fixed
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Location:
Hobart, Tasmania
Registered:
January 2005
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Fri, 30 September 2005 00:47
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Location:
Land of Oz
Registered:
June 2004
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Fri, 30 September 2005 07:50
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Hi,
I used to know a lot of these jokes. They've been around for a long time, but the years, the drugs, the kids, the alcohol has taken its toll on my memory.
Though I do remember a few...
This young couple just have their first child and the doctor comes out, shaking his head. He explains that the child is deformed. The young parents are not initmidated by this, so the doctor brings out the baby, and it's just an ear on a little pillow. After a moment of quietness the young parents take it in their stride and the father tickles the ear and says some silly baby talk. The doctor replies, "You have to speak up. It's deaf."
Q: What crawls, turns blue, then stops
A: A baby in a plastic bag
Q: Why do women get married in white
A: It's the colour of all whitegoods
Q: Why did man invent the shopping trolly
A: To teach women to walk on the back legs.
Errr... wife approaching the PC....
seeyuzz
river
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Location:
Adelaide
Registered:
January 2005
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Re: Dead Baby jokes: Cool & really funny, or just plain nasty?
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Fri, 30 September 2005 13:41
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some absolute classics.
im crying from laughter.
whats the difference between a womans period and saw dust?
you cant gargle saw dust.
my bro just told em that one.
cheers scott
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