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-gt-
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Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 02:17 Go to next message
Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When the director said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris,"
and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "BOOYA".

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.

Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.

Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in Total Recall.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win?
Chuck Norris

Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out transformed into a robot.

In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4 card from the game Uno.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris invented water.

Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the blue ringed octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of it.

Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them.

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks

Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which he replied 'I am a club' and everyone partied on him... Until he roundhouse kicked them all because someone spilt his beer.

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hokey
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 03:22 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Worlds funniest thread Very Happy
pure gold i want more Very Happy
soooo Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Corona RT142
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 03:32 Go to previous messageGo to next message
There's one about Vin Diesel as well, funny shit.
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 03:35 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Got this in an email the other day and almost pissed myself.


Quote:

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"


Quote:

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4 card from the game Uno.


And the best one...

Quote:

Chuck Norris invented water.
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xolent
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 03:36 Go to previous messageGo to next message
bahahahahahahhahaha that is gold

best thread!

quite possibly the next hoff
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AE86slut
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 03:42 Go to previous messageGo to next message
xolent wrote on Fri, 18 November 2005 14:36

quite possibly the next hoff


That's what immediately came to mind when I first saw it. Someone's done a good job of kicking it Hoff (sorry) too...
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 03:50 Go to previous messageGo to next message
All that and no mention of the headbut??

Chuck has the best headbut ever!!! except maybe Bruce Willis in Die Hard, but it is one of the best!
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 04:05 Go to previous messageGo to next message
That is GOLD. Absolute GOLD!!! Very Happy
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magicmitch
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 04:12 Go to previous messageGo to next message
there is also a Mr T one...

Mr T invented maths so he could record how many fools he pitied.

Mr T is allegic to door knobs, thats why he always kicks down doors

plus plenty more
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Evan
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 04:24 Go to previous messageGo to next message
LOL i love it
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-gt-
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 04:50 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Yeah, absolutely pissed myself in the office when i got it, the whole place has been getting in on it. I was thinking hoffage too when i read it.

Oh, and this might have something to do with why Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany ;

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B000063WJV.03.LZZZZZZZ.jpg
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AE86slut
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 04:54 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Looks like he's gearing up for another impromptu roundhouse...

I'm sick of the Hoff

Chuck Norris = 73h win!!!!111
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mynameisrodney
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 05:50 Go to previous messageGo to next message
how about a hybrid?
http://users.tpg.com.au/ceedees/chuckhoff.jpg
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 05:54 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Laughing Laughing
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-gt-
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 06:31 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Laughing

Nice one rodney!


More:

Chuck Norris does not age like you or me. He is actually over 700 years old. His actual age is not known as he answers anybody who asks with a roundhouse kick to the head.

In his spare time, Chuck Norris works part time as an executioner for small third world countries.

Chuck Norris' girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris! More than meets the eye! Chuck Norris! Robot in disguise!" and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

(edit: funky grammar)

[Updated on: Fri, 18 November 2005 06:35]

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mynameisrodney
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 06:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
-gt- wrote on Fri, 18 November 2005 17:31


When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.


Laughing Laughing
thats the best one yet
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Conquest
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 07:02 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Seen this before Laughing There are many more on the same site.

Here's the Chuck Norris fact generator http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php

And here's the Mr T fact generator http://www.4q.cc/t/index.php

Quote:

If at the exact same moment, the same person was pitied by Mr. T and roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, the universe would implode


You can also get the Vin Diesel facts from the same site...

[Updated on: Fri, 18 November 2005 07:05]

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-gt-
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 07:07 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Oh, i'm killing myself!!

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Laughing Laughing Laughing

edit: Yeah conquest, that's the one. One more;

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

[Updated on: Fri, 18 November 2005 07:10]

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mynameisrodney
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 07:15 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Quote:

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.


Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 07:23 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Mr. T FACTS

Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.

Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.

The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.

When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into Mr. T.

If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of the Sun.

Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode.

Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.

Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold chains can then transmit pity to those coordinates.

During one of his frequent time-traveling adventures, Mr. T was accosted by a horde of frenzied Olde Englishmen who believed he was "Mr. Tea" and that he was going to supply them with all the tea and crumpets they could possibly desire. With a single blow, Mr. T knocked the entire mob unconscious. To this day, English people still have gnarly-ass teeth.

The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchprase "We PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of his catch phrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.

Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact, nothing but T's.

Mr. T invented Asian people, because he thinks they're cute and don't take up much room.

Small animals find Mr. T irresistable and can be found playing in his mohawk. Mr. T tolerates them because "they don't give me no lip."

Mr. T's GMC van does not travel on solid surfaces, but instead mathematical planes. In other words, it can go wherever the hell Mr. T wants.

Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. But also remember that you can't do shit, because Mr. T is the one who starts them, and no one can stop that crazy fool.

Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman and Webster.

When Mr. T puts on his dancing shoes, you better f-ing run.

Mr. T can count past infinity

When Mr. T has nightmares, people around him start dying for no reason.

Mr T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Mr T loves you.

Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.

Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That's 100 fools pitied a second.

Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

Mr. T knows the muffin man; he had sex his wife.

Mr.T does not grow a mohawk on purpose. It's actually just his hair trying to give you the finger.

World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi.

If at the exact same moment, the same person was pitied by Mr. T and roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, the universe would implode.
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-gt-
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 07:57 Go to previous messageGo to next message
faulksy wrote on Fri, 18 November 2005 18:23

Mr. T FACTS

Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. But also remember that you can't do shit, because Mr. T is the one who starts them, and no one can stop that crazy fool.

Mr. T can count past infinity

Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.


HA HA HA!!!! Oh fuck, i'm crying! Laughing Laughing Laughing


Inspired by the movie Alien vs. Predator, Chuck Norris has begun work on a screen play tentatively titled, "Alien, Predator, Frankenstein, Wolfman, The Mummy, and a Whole Shitload of Vampires vs. Chuck Norris."

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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 11:19 Go to previous messageGo to next message
read MR. T's autobiography, it's awesome.

and this one is actually true, his name is

MR (first name)

. (middle name)

T (last name)

and he ran through a 1 inch thick solid wood door while he was in the army, and won the title of "best bouncer in the world"
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 12:16 Go to previous messageGo to next message
http://www.watchmeeatahotdog.com/images/diet/norris.jpg
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 12:46 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Quote:

Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.


I JUST got that! Laughing Laughing
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Fri, 18 November 2005 14:52 Go to previous messageGo to next message
...

http://members.optusnet.com.au/finnfamily/walkeroar25fy4so.gif
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Sun, 20 November 2005 02:35 Go to previous messageGo to next message
-gt- wrote on Fri, 18 November 2005 13:17

Ke382TG used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When the director said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Ke382TG,"
and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Ke382TG.

Ke382TG can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "BOOYA".

If you can see Ke382TG, he can see you. If you can't see Ke382TG you may be only seconds away from death.

On the 7th day, God rested.... Ke382TG took over.

Biologically, Ke382TG is his own step-father.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Ke382TG plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the light side, the dark side, and Ke382TG.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Ke382TG, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Ke382TG.

Ke382TG carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Ke382TG instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

God offered Ke382TG the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

Ke382TG does not sleep. He waits.

When Ke382TG was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Ke382TG drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

A ducks quack does not echo. Ke382TG is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.

Ke382TG once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face.

Ke382TG' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Ke382TG doesn't believe in Germany.

Ke382TG can cut onions without crying.

Ke382TG burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.

If you want a list of Ke382TG' enemies just check the extinct species list.

Ke382TG has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Ke382TG can believe it's not butter.

When Ke382TG's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Ke382TG."

We once had a bachelor party for Ke382TG. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it

Ke382TG once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

In a recent interview, Ke382TG told Entertainment Tonight that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in Total Recall.

Ke382TG doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win?
Ke382TG

Ironically, Ke382TG' hidden talent is invisibility.

Ke382TG eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out transformed into a robot.

In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Ke382TG replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.

Ke382TG owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4 card from the game Uno.

Ke382TG invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Ke382TG is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Ke382TG invented water.

Ke382TG went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Ke382TG yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Ke382TG accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

Contrary to popular belief, Ke382TG, not the blue ringed octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Ke382TG is Luke Skywalker's father.

Ke382TG does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of it.

Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Ke382TG roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

Before email was invented Ke382TG would attach messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them.

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation Ke382TG can be seen powering the USS enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks

Ke382TG was once asked to recommend a club to which he replied 'I am a club' and everyone partied on him... Until he roundhouse kicked them all because someone spilt his beer.

fixed
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Mr DOHC
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Sun, 20 November 2005 05:31 Go to previous messageGo to next message
having sex with vin diesel cures aids, but only if he wears a condom
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pushrod_POWA
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Sun, 20 November 2005 11:30 Go to previous messageGo to next message
shinybluesteel wrote on Fri, 18 November 2005 22:19

read MR. T's autobiography, it's awesome.

and this one is actually true, his name is

MR (first name)

. (middle name)

T (last name)

and he ran through a 1 inch thick solid wood door while he was in the army, and won the title of "best bouncer in the world"

where would one find such a book? i have checked around but havent seen it.
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Big T
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Sun, 20 November 2005 12:23 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing This is the funniest shit i've seen in a while!

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
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Bill Sherwood
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Sun, 20 November 2005 13:52 Go to previous messageGo to next message
pushrod_POWA wrote on Sun, 20 November 2005 22:30

shinybluesteel wrote on Fri, 18 November 2005 22:19

read MR. T's autobiography, it's awesome.

and this one is actually true, his name is

MR (first name)

. (middle name)

T (last name)

and he ran through a 1 inch thick solid wood door while he was in the army, and won the title of "best bouncer in the world"

where would one find such a book? i have checked around but havent seen it.



His real name is Laurence Terro.
(I think)
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Conquest
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Sun, 20 November 2005 13:57 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Bill Sherwood wrote on Mon, 21 November 2005 00:52

shinybluesteel wrote on Fri, 18 November 2005 22:19

read MR. T's autobiography, it's awesome.

and this one is actually true, his name is

MR (first name)

. (middle name)

T (last name)

and he ran through a 1 inch thick solid wood door while he was in the army, and won the title of "best bouncer in the world"

...His real name is Laurence Terro.
(I think)

Close, it's actually quoted in one of the facts... Mr Laurence Teraud

Anyway here's another Chuck Norris fact Cool

Quote:

Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris kills people


EDIT: Actually according to a Google search in 1970 he changed his name by deed poll from Laurence Tureaud to Laurence Tero and then in 1980 to "Mr. T"

[Updated on: Sun, 20 November 2005 14:04]

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Evil_Foetus
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Sun, 20 November 2005 15:19 Go to previous messageGo to next message
i've always loved chuck norris...

http://okladki-divx.neostrada.pl/covers/m/mc_cord_presidents_man.jpg
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Malicia
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Sun, 20 November 2005 15:38 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris owns neither microwave nor oven. When he is hungry, he simply shouts "BAKE" to his food, and out of fear, the food instantly catches on fire
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Merudo
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Sun, 20 November 2005 23:49 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Malicia wrote on Mon, 21 November 2005 02:38


Chuck Norris owns neither microwave nor oven. When he is hungry, he simply shouts "BAKE" to his food, and out of fear, the food instantly catches on fire




HAHAHA! Laughing
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Mr DOHC
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Mon, 21 November 2005 07:07 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Merudo wrote on Mon, 21 November 2005 09:49

Malicia wrote on Mon, 21 November 2005 02:38


Chuck Norris owns neither microwave nor oven. When he is hungry, he simply shouts "BAKE" to his food, and out of fear, the food instantly catches on fire




HAHAHA! Laughing



agreed

i just got a mental image of someone standing in the kitchen, staring at a microwave lasagne screaming at it
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Shraka
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Sun, 27 November 2005 23:31 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Chuck Norris is never gonna be the next Hoff at this rate. Sad
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Evil_Foetus
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Mon, 28 November 2005 01:16 Go to previous messageGo to next message
chuck norris > hoff

hands down
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mynameisrodney
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Mon, 28 November 2005 01:30 Go to previous messageGo to next message
http://users.tpg.com.au/ceedees/soc.jpg
happy now
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Shraka
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Mon, 28 November 2005 02:43 Go to previous messageGo to next message
http://www.artema.com.au/void/stuff/toymods/chuck-norris-vs-mr-t.jpg
Something I put together while I should have been working. Razz

Also, from this site:
http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php

Quote:


Chuck Norris eats pills that contain fatal diseases for breakfast.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a guy so hard that all of his ancestors were completely wiped out of existence, thus rendering the subject of the kick non-existent. This ended the universe as we know it until Chuck's beard began it all anew.

Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erect penis.

Even though he invented it, Chuck Norris is the only man to escape a bear trap

Chuck Norris does not, in fact, wear cowboy boots, or any other kind of shoes. This is because the skin of his feet and lower legs is already tougher than leather, and occasionally adopts a nifty snakeskin look besides.

If you ever get the chance to play Chuck Norris in Madden football, he will beat you 56-7.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris did not star in "Hero and the Terror". Actually, it was a magically transformed Jean Claude van Damm. Later, when Chuck found out that his image was taken in vain, he stared menacingly at Jean Claude, thus rendering Jean Claude van Damm sterile.

Chuck Norris' last option is violence. It is also his only option.

The first rule of Chuck Norris is never talk about Chuck Norris. The second rule of Chuck Norris is never talk about Chuck Norris. The third rule of Chuck Norris is martial law.

Chuck Norris can catch the Gingerbread Man.
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thu187
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Mon, 28 November 2005 14:00 Go to previous messageGo to next message
-gt- wrote on Fri, 18 November 2005 13:17


Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.


HAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! GOLD!!!
Laughing Laughing Laughing
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st184 sillycar
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Sun, 04 December 2005 08:10 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Been bustin' some Chuck Norris "facs" at work, not everyone gets it . . . . .
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thu187
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Re: Chuck Norris 'Facts' Mon, 05 December 2005 00:51 Go to previous message
It's annoying when people don't get this kind of humour.
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