Toymods Car Club Inc: General Car Talk => how to drive like a wog

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Mr DOHC
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Location:
Brisbane
Registered:
October 2002

how to drive like a wog	Wed, 03 March 2004 08:55

The Art of wog driving Chris Zissiadis 30/11/2000 WogLife are proud to be able to offer driving and road behaviour tips for all those wanting to ensure that they maximise their streetwise woggy potential Prepare your vehicle Colour coordinate If your car is green, don't wear a yellow shirt,.. you get me? Your car is an extension of your body, give it the respect it deserves make sure you complement each other. Clash .. and you wont impress anyone. Antique air freshener Make sure you have an ample supply of air freshener items to hang from parts of your dashboard. These should be pre-aged so the chance of them actually giving off any fragrance is zero. If you are Italian, or want others to believe you are, religious artifacts should also be placed at random throughout the car. Lebanese cab driver beaded seat covers These have nothing to do with massage, the sole purpose of these items is to maximise the circulation of air around your ass allowing you to fart more freely and to share your experience with friends traveling with you. Open the windows Depending on the number of wogs your vehicle will contain you should open the appropriate number of windows allowing marios and ginos to hang out of the car and carry on deep and meaningful conversations with people outside the vehicle. Over the centuries young marios have developed special muscles that enable them to hang safely from car windows even at high speeds. Prepare your surfaces Remove all sharp objects from the back seat area The rear passengers play a vital role in wog driving. They carry a heavy responsibility to be able to quickly respond to any situation. A fine wog babe walking past the car must be greeted with whistles and howyagoinbaby's within 5 seconds, even faster if the vehicle is in motion. Therefore all sharp objects should be removed from the backseat to allow for your accompanying Marios to slide around freely. Use of Armour-All or Mr Sheen on all surfaces is encouraged. Ensure Fenders at comfortable leaning temperature As you get more experience with wog driving, you will be able to judge how many blockies and at what speed they should be performed in order for your fenders to reach a comfortable temperature on which you can lean against. This is particularly useful in winter and can add an additional 30 minutes to your time on the street. Paint condition The standard of your car's paintjob is obviously important. Wog chicks like to compliment paint condition by checking their reflection on the bonnet of your car. If a girl does her hair or makeup whilst leaving over your hood she is paying you the highest possible compliment. Consult your wog mother and secure a continuous supply of cotton garments which can be used to prepare polishing rags. Watch the "Karate Kid" movie to get some ideas on how to fool your little brother into polishing your car on a regular basis, add comments like "Bruce Lee used to polish his brother's car every day" or if you are trying to convince your dad or grandfather to help say "Dino Zoff would spend 2 hours before each game applying wax to metal surfaces in the change room" On the way there Stay in right lane at all times It is a common error to think that the right lane is only for overtaking, this is not the case. The right lane is for the exclusive use of you and you only as it allows everyone to view your machine from all angles. This is a service to society and if people had their head screwed on right you would be paid for it. Flash headlights randomly at any oncoming vehicles This give people the chance to slow down to hear how beautifully your cousin Alberto has tuned your engine.. Use of SMS Messages Yes it is illegal to speak on the phone while driving but with dedication and practice you should be able to SMS your friends without actually looking at your phone. Learn the basic SMS cruising comments such as "WHERE R U MARIO?", "and "IS ANNA WITH U?" They are easy to memorise - communication is the key to good cruising. Slipstream whenever possible Fuel should be conserved whenever possible so it can be used for critical activities such as burnouts and blockies. Find a bus that travels in the direction you want to go, tailgate it and if possible attach yourself to the back of it at an appropriate bus stop. Don't use your indicators It's your business where you are going, indicators only give away what particular path you will be taking to others and warn them of potential hazards ahead of them, let them find out the way you did... the hard way Remember that it is the Digital age It's the year 2000 and everything is going digital, so use your digits as much as you can. A picture paints a thousand words but a single finger directed at a fellow motorist can be much more specific. Supplies Make sure your glove compartment contains enough of your critical supplies, several brands of aftershave are required, also CD's to cater for any mood should also be on board. Be a good boy and replace that condom that has been in your wallet for the past 12 months with a fresh one,.. and no chicks don't like the ribbed ones as a rule. Upon arrival Traffic lights It is critical to reach each traffic light as they go to red, this maximises the time you have available to; allow others to look at your machine, allow you to carry on conversations with people on the street, allow others to hear the magnificence of your stereo and your fine choice in music. Accessorise for success Get yourself some accessories that help make you stand out from the crowd. Some fancy headwear, a scarf, racing or safety goggles,.. all add to the effect that you and your machine have on the rest of humanity. Parking Location Location Location: Everything you have done, all the time and effort taken by you and your posse counts for nothing if the only parking space you can find is in an alley behind the 7-11. Watch other drivers and pedestrians, time your run beautifully and prime land can be yours. We hope these tips have helped you out. Wog cruising is an art form, which requires years to master, but it is constantly evolving, let us know some of your personal trade secrets. [Report message to a moderator]

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